- Prologue -

[Whee]

Prologue


The sun was thrust down into the mountains, as darkness reaped across the sky. Every shred of light was enveloped by the creeping darkness, with the lighthouse dim and void of light. The nearby villagers were praying of the group’s success, since they had promised to light it, no matter what the cost. The world was silent, awaiting the results of the ones who had lit the previous 4 lighthouses. Surely they could not fail, after coming so far in their journey. At the top of the lighthouse, the warrior clad in armor grasped the hilt of his sword; only to fall due to the fatigue the journey up the lighthouse had caused him. His comrades lay motionless around him, devoid of life, yet still alive. How could they have failed? The shadow that sat behind the warrior grew. The warrior only chuckled, whispering a prayer, and finally, as the shadow enveloped him,

“Good bye, my dear Eliza…”

The still silence was broken, as a tornado raged towards the lighthouse. The warrior’s comrades whispered a few incantations with the last of their strength, and with each chant, an element raged towards the lighthouse. The earth below the lighthouse shook; fire suddenly rained upon the lighthouse; lightning scoured the top, destroying the beacon; the ocean unleashed a tsunami towards the lighthouse; and an earthquake trembled the balance of this structure all, tearing it apart and felling it into an abyss.
The shadow echoed a screech heard around the world, alarming its inhabitants of the group’s victory. They cheered for joy, everyone in high spirits, as peace seemed to spread in the hearts of people, but only for that moment…

Alas, the sun had not risen ever since…


-END-

Criticism WANTED.

[LeoWu]

First this is not a FF.
Its way to short we dont take one-hitters.
and because FF stands for Fan Fiction.
This has almost nothing to do with maple story.
You put in way to much and nothing seems right.
Thats all
other than that Good job.
oh yea and one more thing.
many sentences you have written in your FF
I have read many times in FF, Books,
and and graphic novels.
I suggest since your in a maplestory FF section
give it a maple twist with some decent
Description.

btw first sentence is kinda weird.
the sun rises.
It doesn't get pushed into the mountains horizontally.

[Whee]

Well, having something original is hard, but really, i DID intend to twist it up later.
I was going to put some maple related things in; this is just a prologue
o_O
Not a one-hitter, so yeah..

Just wanted your criticism, thanks!
-
Time to edit~
Well, you know, it's supposed to be "pushed" into the mountains, as in going down.
I'll try to make it easier to understand, hm.
-
Edited further:
Can you give me a link to some examples?
FF's, I mean, with similar settings/plots, even though I haven't revealed much yet.

[LeoWu]

Well, having something original is hard, but really, i DID intend to twist it up later.
I was going to put some maple related things in; this is just a prologue
o_O
Not a one-hitter, so yeah..

Just wanted your criticism, thanks!
-
Time to edit~
Well, you know, it's supposed to be "pushed" into the mountains, as in going down.
I'll try to make it easier to understand, hm.
-
Edited further:
Can you give me a link to some examples?
FF's, I mean, with similar settings/plots, even though I haven't revealed much yet.

Lol
no you don't understand.
If your going to write FF use words that fit in.
Thrust is a push.
You don't push the sun down.
unless your using a metaphor or a simile.

If its a prologue
then after the Prologue don't
put "END"
put
"TO BE CONTINUED."

I'll give you a idea We can do a Double write.
meaning you write a chapter of a plot and i write the second.
Must be alternative.
What i was thinking was about a kid who was born then
later on His left eyes goes blind.
After that an King of Contempt steals the Sword of light
and Used it to conquer.
Then our main charactar with the blind eye goes and fight him.
at the end he gets Scared on his blind eye and then something happens.
Hes faints and gets sealed off for 100 years.
then hes gets found and he loses his memory.
but he noticed that when he was in the ice.
The scar that he got from the light sword gotten
mixed with the Ice gene witch happened to be that
He was about to reflect light and Use it as power,
energy.
He gathers them up and do amazing things.
I got it from the ARAN thing.

and thats where the story starts
and yea you do 1 chapter and i do 1 and so on

[Whee]

Um, really, *coughs* It was being pushed by the *Cough* Darkness.

[LeoWu]

Um, really, *coughs* It was being pushed by the *Cough* Darkness.

a trust is a horizontal push.
Such a sword thrust.
you should've said the sun had been thrust down into the mountains.
O_O
like how they say he thrust his sword high in the air.
O_O
so whatcha think about the double write?

Pretty cool huh?

[Whee]

Um, really, *coughs* It was being pushed by the *Cough* Darkness.

a trust is a horizontal push.
you should've said the sun had been thrust down into the mountains.

Really... I wrote that, you know.

The sun was thrust into the mountains

Nvm, i see. Thrust "DOWN"!
One little word changes everything...

[LeoWu]

Um, really, *coughs* It was being pushed by the *Cough* Darkness.

a trust is a horizontal push.
you should've said the sun had been thrust down into the mountains.

Really... I wrote that, you know.

The sun was thrust into the mountains

Nvm, i see. Thrust "DOWN"!
One little word changes everything...

No you siad the sun was thrust i said the sun HAD BEEN thrust down.
its a big difference.

[Zaylo]

Good thing you sorted that out i didn't want to do the Jack's horse thing.

But in terms of the story its got my interest, I'm looking forward to the continuations.

[EmberSparks]

Interesting.....
Worth a watch.

[LeoWu]

Interesting.....
Worth a watch.

Worth a read...
not watch.
for books you read.
not watch.

[pvtsharp]

Interesting.....
Worth a watch.

Worth a read...
not watch.
for books you read.
not watch.

*stuffs fingers in ears*

Shyt..... gotta get ready for flaming on me tree of origin.

*on topic* wat is the FF's name anyways?

[Whee]

Thing is, I dunno.
o_o
Going to think about it later...

[EmberSparks]

Thing is, I dunno.
o_o
Going to think about it later...

What? You should think of a name first.....
Actually, I was thinking of an epic name for my FF. In the end I decided to name it.... G.R.A.V.E . WASTING MY TIME!!!