Dangerous Journey ch.1

[1LastBreath]

its a new one and improved itll be better from the help of jonlin and LeoWu

[1LastBreath]

One day in a village so small it didn't have a name. In this little village a family resided. A brother and a sister Jay and Taylor. On a boring day they decided to go for a walk. When they went Taylor said "Hey Jay have you seen the fence around here before?" Jay replied"No I haven't,let's go check it out".As they walked along the path,closer to the fence there was a sign it was wooden with black ink and covered with blood it was nearly impossible to read. As Jay squinted to read the faded text he finally came out with the answer. The sign said"Keep Out".Taylor wondered why it would say that. As soon as Taylor said that out of no where they saw kids.

Jay saw a ghost like figure tall with a dark colored hood and a staff. Then suddenly Taylor vanished. Jay frantically called her name "TAYLOR!!!!!!". Then hew ran back to his house and told his Mom exactly what happend. She said"Another attack from the Ghostly one I would say". Jay asked"So you have seen him before?". His mom said"He attacked here a long time ago when i was a little girl about the same age as your sister,he tore through the woods like a ghostly bull his name is Ergoth".


Chapter 2 coming up next

[jonlin]

Don't double post please.

that version is the same one. I replied to you with SUGGESTIONS because I didn't want to rewrite your whole story.

[poke1024]

this is probably getting locked by zaylo cause it is too short

[jonlin]

yes it will get locked, there was no real point..... *mad he didn't read the e-mail properly*

[LeoWu]

... uhh.... DETAILS,DESCRIPTION!!! GOD! lol
This story is almost the same the only part you added description was
the sign part where you basically copied from me...
Its still WAY to short make a story thats 10x longer..
.. It will get locked. Just make it longer dont worry if it sucks
you can improve but stop writing for now and get better.
When you start posting again Make sure to edit and reread.
I Look forward to when your writing gets better

[1LastBreath]

Don't double post please.

that version is the same one. I replied to you with SUGGESTIONS because I didn't want to rewrite your whole story.

dude you didnt send any suggesttions

[jonlin]

no i hit reply to edit it, and accidentally hit send before I had written anything. then after I looked it over later, I decided instead of basically re-writing it for you, I would just give you suggestions. sorry for the misunderstanding >.<

[chobbilight]

no i hit reply to edit it, and accidentally hit send before I had written anything. then after I looked it over later, I decided instead of basically re-writing it for you, I would just give you suggestions. sorry for the misunderstanding >.<

its your fault