The Clan of The Surternity And the Clan of the Unknown part2

[LeoWu]

a

[Zaylo]

dude! stop triple/double posting!!! just because yours has views and replys doesnt make it the 2nd best fanfic. Anyways bck to reveiwing
It was pretty good but you have some pretty bad grammar issues and you will also need to indent paragraphs it hurts my eyes reading it.

[LeoWu]

dude! stop triple/double posting!!! just because yours has views and replys doesnt make it the 2nd best fanfic. Anyways bck to reveiwing
It was pretty good but you have some pretty bad grammar issues and you will also need to indent paragraphs it hurts my eyes reading it.

xD K please Calm down......... and ummm i will delete my posts ok? Thanks for the "advice"

[LeoWu]

a

[LeoWu]

Thanks all of you. :D I will Make Part 3 When 5 people say LeoWuRocks! or just 10 people saying Leo Make part 3!

[deaddd]

cool story dude make part 3 pls

[Zaylo]

lol nice way to boost your ego >.>

[jonlin]

Lol zaylo you are a bit too confident -.- 'just because people read and reply doesn't make it the second best fanfic'? I mean come on Zaylo how much more egotistic can you get?

I rate it ok because you:
a) need to indent paragraph's more
b) make it a little bit easier to understand and explain the stuff you say
c) get a grammer check or something

[Bandits]

Leo Looked... There Stood A level 93 sniper with a hat covering his face. The Bandit said "Hey little Bro, Your still in that weak Surternity clan?" the Sniper didn't reply." Come to the Unknown Clan Bro, The power Is So Great Here and you get almost unlimited skills." the bandit said in an different tone. The Sniper Finally Spoke up "All You seek is Power, but What I seek is Peace for Victoria so i have no interest in joining the Unknown Clan." The Chief Bandit was a Bit Angry and he shouted "JASON! I will Give you ONE LAST chance to join, or your Grave will be on this cliff. You Might think I'm weaker than you cause I'm lower level than you but....." the Chief Bandit stopped as silence took over. Then he Shouted " I HAVE POWER FROM THE UNKNOWN CLAN! And All you got is the Maple sign." the Chief Bandit Laughed as the sniper stood there silently. " I will not join no matter what" the Chief Bandit stopped Laughing and with out a warning he charged at the sniper. He Brought the Dagger Above his head and Swung It down At the Sniper. The Sniper Was Fast,Swift and Quick,as the brought his cross bow as a shield to block the swing attack. The Chief Bandit jumped back, Leo Looked at the Bow, It didn't even land a scratch. The Chief Bandit said "Hey, That's a Nice crossbow you got there." the Sniper Looked up and Smiled as he said "You can't break it with your phony attacks, its made of maple inherited Steel gold. Its Also know as the MISG one of the Hardest Material in the universe." The Chief Bandit looked interested as he said "How did you get it?" The Sniper Replied "You Mean Who I got it from? Ishbal the Leader of the Surternity gave it to me,its a shield and a weapon you can't possibility break it your much too weak." The Chief Bandit Made another Deafening laugh " Don't forget I'm from the Unknown Clan, he took a step back then he charged at the sniper with the dagger in his left hand he used both hands and brought the dagger from his left side. The Sniper was Already In his defending position ready for the attack. As the Bandit's Dagger was about to make Contact with the snipers Cross bow A Symbol Appeared on The Bandits Hands it was A maple leaf and the symbol started to glow a bright yellow then the attack happened in a flash. Although Leo Couldn't see the attack cause it was so fast Leo Still Heard the Loud Contact of the dagger and the cross bow. The Bandit quickly took Several Jumps Back and dropped too his knees as he used one hand to support him from dropped completely down to the ground. Leo Heard A Crack he looked at the sniper his bow had broken in to 2 parts! the sniper said " .... the Clan of Unknown Has Really gotten scary...." The Bandit laughed and said " I Told you Don't underestimate me." the Sniper Replied and said " But after using your maple sign your weak so your in bad condition" the Sniper took out a long dagger and dashed at the Bandit the Bandit watched with horror in his eyes then he quickly stood up and ran to Leo he Picked him up and brought his dagger upon his neck the Sniper stopped instantly. "I Know you have Come for the Child like I have." Leo Looked Confused. The Sniper Took a Step towards the Chief Bandit as the bandit said " if you move i will kill him." then the Sniper didn't budge. As Leo Was Left There silent. All Of a Sudden Everything turned Black. Leo Was Alone Somewhere, Then it Happened. (In Leos Point Of View) The Blood That Flows Threw My Vains were Mine the Pale White Skin on my Hand Was My, But.... The Hand That was Upon my Eyes


Were Not mine.....


To Be Continued...............




Bye the Way EVERYONE!!! If i get 5 people to say "LeoWu Rocks!" then i will make part 3 :D or just 10 people telling me i should make part 3

is leo and the sniper a different person? i got confused at the beginning

[Bandits]

Ok so far 2 out of 10 people said i should make it and 0 out of 5 people says i shoudl make it too

Waiiiiittttt i says make 3 tooooooo

[Bandits]

Thanks all of you. :D I will Make Part 3 When 5 people say LeoWuRocks! or just 10 people saying Leo Make part 3!

Ohhhh Leo make part 3!!!!

[Montycarlo]

dude! stop triple/double posting!!! just because yours has views and replys doesnt make it the 2nd best fanfic. Anyways bck to reveiwing
It was pretty good but you have some pretty bad grammar issues and you will also need to indent paragraphs it hurts my eyes reading it.

Story writing is another form of art, it is written as the author wishes, and just like paintings, they can be messy or incredibly neat. Just because it's formatted does not generally make something better.

[sepulchure12]

LeoWu Rocks!!!

LeoWu Rocks!!!

LeoWu Rocks!!!

LeoWu Rocks!!!

LeoWu Rocks!!!

[jonlin]

dude! stop triple/double posting!!! just because yours has views and replys doesnt make it the 2nd best fanfic. Anyways bck to reveiwing
It was pretty good but you have some pretty bad grammar issues and you will also need to indent paragraphs it hurts my eyes reading it.

Story writing is another form of art, it is written as the author wishes, and just like paintings, they can be messy or incredibly neat. Just because it's formatted does not generally make something better.

Yes this is true, but for example if i did a story of a noob's life with no punctuation at all, and you tried to read it aloud you would run out of breath and probably get very lost. So, generally it is advised to add indent's and punctuation so that people can read it easier.

[LeoWu]

dude! stop triple/double posting!!! just because yours has views and replys doesnt make it the 2nd best fanfic. Anyways bck to reveiwing
It was pretty good but you have some pretty bad grammar issues and you will also need to indent paragraphs it hurts my eyes reading it.

Story writing is another form of art, it is written as the author wishes, and just like paintings, they can be messy or incredibly neat. Just because it's formatted does not generally make something better.

Yes this is true, but for example if i did a story of a noob's life with no punctuation at all, and you tried to read it aloud you would run out of breath and probably get very lost. So, generally it is advised to add indent's and punctuation so that people can read it easier.

Thanks :D

[LeoWu]

LeoWu Rocks!!!

LeoWu Rocks!!!

LeoWu Rocks!!!

LeoWu Rocks!!!

LeoWu Rocks!!!

umm... Thanks Alot Well I'll Count that as 2 so i need 3 more :D

[Bandits]

LeoWu Rocks!!!

LeoWu Rocks!!!

LeoWu Rocks!!!

LeoWu Rocks!!!

LeoWu Rocks!!!

what he said

[LeoWu]

LeoWu Rocks!!!

LeoWu Rocks!!!

LeoWu Rocks!!!

LeoWu Rocks!!!

LeoWu Rocks!!!

what he said

umm ok then i need 2 more ... before i make part 3 :D

[Bandits]

LeoWu Rocks!!!

LeoWu Rocks!!!

LeoWu Rocks!!!

LeoWu Rocks!!!

LeoWu Rocks!!!

umm... Thanks Alot Well I'll Count that as 2 so i need 3 more :D

LeoWu rocks there? uhhh now can u make it??

[LeoWu]

still need 2 more .... and vote for me in the vote post by zaylo