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G.R.A.V.E Ch 2

Posted: Fri Jan 01, 2010 11:58 am
by EmberSparks
Have I improved? I don't think so X_X

Anyway, here I go........




"Who are you?" asked Hikaru. All he knew was that the vampire in front of him had white hair. That he wore a blood-spattered tuxedo. That he was holding a coconut knife. A blood-stained coconut knife.

That he killed everyone on the train.

The white-haired man chuckled. "Why ask such a question....... when you're about to die?"

Hikaru's grip on his sword tightened. Darn vampire, he thought. Throwing caution to the wind, he charged towards the vampire and swung his blade.

THUNK. The blade had collided with the vampire's knife. The vampire narrowed his eyes. "Touchy, aren't you?" he said, as he kicked Hikaru in the chest. Hikaru found himself thrown to the floor, as helpless as a ragdoll.

The vampire walked towards Hikaru, twirling his dagger as he did so. "Since you're not fighting back, I'll kill you quickly......"

Hikaru looked around for his sword and realised it was on the other side of the train carriage. It was too far away to reach, which meant his death was imminent.

The vampire tossed his sword at Hikaru. Hikaru braced himself. This is it.........

CLANG!!!!!

Hikaru opened his eyes. Someone had protected him with a spear.

The vampire looked shocked. "It- It's you!"

Hikaru stared at the newcomer. He was about 16, with a well-built body. He was wearing a beanie and wielded a Pinaka, a powerful spear.

"What?!"

The vampire recovered quickly from his state of shock. "Ah, it's my baby brother, Draco!" he said, grinning.

"Shut up, brother Shinji. Mom, Dad and our little sister are resting in peace. There's only you left..... don't you wanna join them?" replied the newcomer called Draco, eyes blazing with murderous intent.

The vampire - Shinji - laughed and charged at Draco....

Re: G.R.A.V.E Ch 2

Posted: Fri Jan 01, 2010 12:41 pm
by pvtsharp
Good story, but i bet someone will say it was a lil short.

And ember, i dont know if i should be the one to give you advice but dont put underlines under words like

Clanngg!!!!

Use underline only in the name of the chapter.

Nice story rly, 8/10

Re: G.R.A.V.E Ch 2

Posted: Fri Jan 01, 2010 2:43 pm
by Zaylo
EmberSparks wrote:Have I improved? I don't think so X_X

Anyway, here I go........




"Who are you?" asked Hikaru. All he knew was that the vampire in front of him had white hair. That he wore a blood-spattered tuxedo. That he was holding a coconut knife. A blood-stained coconut knife.

That he killed everyone on the train.

The white-haired man chuckled. "Why ask such a question....... when you're about to die?"

Hikaru's grip on his sword tightened. Darn vampire, he thought. Throwing caution to the wind, he charged towards the vampire and swung his blade.

THUNK. The blade had collided with the vampire's knife. The vampire narrowed his eyes. "Touchy, aren't you?" he said, as he kicked Hikaru in the chest. Hikaru found himself thrown to the floor, as helpless as a ragdoll.

The vampire walked towards Hikaru, twirling his dagger as he did so. "Since you're not fighting back, I'll kill you quickly......"

Hikaru looked around for his sword and realised it was on the other side of the train carriage. It was too far away to reach, which meant his death was imminent.

The vampire tossed his sword at Hikaru. Hikaru braced himself. This is it.........

CLANG!!!!!

Hikaru opened his eyes. Someone had protected him with a spear.

The vampire looked shocked. "It- It's you!"

Hikaru stared at the newcomer. He was about 16, with a well-built body. He was wearing a beanie and wielded a Pinaka, a powerful spear.

"What?

The vampire recovered quickly from his state of shock. "Ah, it's my baby brother, Draco!" he said, grinning.

"Shut up, brother Shinji. Mom, Dad and our little sister are resting in peace. There's only you left..... don't you wanna join them?" replied the newcomer called Draco, eyes blazing with murderous intent.

The vampire - Shinji - laughed and charged at Draco....

Damn, i missed chapter 1! Where is it? I can't find it anywhere!

Re: G.R.A.V.E Ch 2

Posted: Fri Jan 01, 2010 5:02 pm
by pvtsharp

Re: G.R.A.V.E Ch 2

Posted: Sat Jan 02, 2010 12:40 am
by Dracoplasm
Omfg--
What --?
So that Vampire's my Bro omfg -.- doesn't that make me a Vampire Related Dude?

Re: G.R.A.V.E Ch 2

Posted: Sat Jan 02, 2010 2:34 am
by playa4life01
i think its mapledraco (F6)

Re: G.R.A.V.E Ch 2

Posted: Sat Jan 02, 2010 6:38 am
by synn90210
wow.....more vampire fan fics? ah well this is one of the better ones. good job (wink)

Re: G.R.A.V.E Ch 2

Posted: Sun Jan 03, 2010 12:48 am
by Dracoplasm
Synn Your Back!
Nah i Signed up ;D so is it MapleDraco or me Ember?

Re: G.R.A.V.E Ch 2

Posted: Tue Jan 05, 2010 4:27 pm
by EmberSparks
Dracoplasm wrote:Synn Your Back!
Nah i Signed up ;D so is it MapleDraco or me Ember?

Its MapleDraco.
You will appear in Ch 3.

Re: G.R.A.V.E Ch 2

Posted: Wed Jan 06, 2010 7:19 am
by pvtsharp
EmberSparks wrote:
Dracoplasm wrote:Synn Your Back!
Nah i Signed up ;D so is it MapleDraco or me Ember?

Its MapleDraco.
You will appear in Ch 3.


When is me coming out? (not sure i'm in this though)

I'm thinking about stopping my fanfic now.

I cant take carpet flame bombs from leowu.

Re: G.R.A.V.E Ch 2

Posted: Wed Jan 06, 2010 11:07 am
by EmberSparks
pvtsharp wrote:
EmberSparks wrote:
Dracoplasm wrote:Synn Your Back!
Nah i Signed up ;D so is it MapleDraco or me Ember?

Its MapleDraco.
You will appear in Ch 3.


When is me coming out? (not sure i'm in this though)

I'm thinking about stopping my fanfic now.

I cant take carpet flame bombs from leowu.

Noooo!

Re: G.R.A.V.E Ch 2

Posted: Thu Jan 07, 2010 7:16 am
by pvtsharp
Embersparks wrote:
pvtsharp wrote:When is me coming out? (not sure i'm in this though)

I'm thinking about stopping my fanfic now.

I cant take carpet flame bombs from leowu.

Noooo!


I will stop writing for awhile, school.

And i'm starting to hate leowu now. feeliing like ripping him apart and feasting on his organs one by one.....

w8 a min.... wat's happening to me?

Re: G.R.A.V.E Ch 2

Posted: Thu Jan 07, 2010 8:23 am
by Dracoplasm
o.o I think ur turning into a akuma XD
Anyways aww D; Ch 3?!?

Re: G.R.A.V.E Ch 2

Posted: Fri Jan 08, 2010 5:06 am
by EmberSparks
Done with part 2 of Ch 2. Will edit it soon.

Re: G.R.A.V.E Ch 2

Posted: Sun Jan 10, 2010 2:26 pm
by playa4life01
when can i be in it ?? (F6) (F6)

Re: G.R.A.V.E Ch 2

Posted: Mon Jan 11, 2010 7:19 am
by Dracoplasm
chapter 309 =D
post too short dammit =.=

Re: G.R.A.V.E Ch 2

Posted: Thu Jan 14, 2010 3:12 am
by EmberSparks
At this rate it will take 29 chapters to finish the story, which will use up a year.

Re: G.R.A.V.E Ch 2

Posted: Thu Jan 14, 2010 7:48 pm
by playa4life01
lol, what iff you didnt eat and sleep, how long would it take then ?? (exellent)

Re: G.R.A.V.E Ch 2

Posted: Tue Jan 19, 2010 3:27 am
by EmberSparks
playa4life01 wrote:lol, what iff you didnt eat and sleep, how long would it take then ?? (exellent)

I would be dead.
Playa, pm me with char name only. I will decide the rest.

Re: G.R.A.V.E Ch 2

Posted: Tue Jan 19, 2010 9:28 pm
by MsMeowzers
Hurry up with chapter 3...
Only thing I'm actually looking forward to.