Maplestory

All was silent in Kerning City. Since it was midnight, most Maplers were sleeping soundly in their home. The only place that was busy was the Subway.

Sighing, an old woman sat on the platform. She was waiting for her son. She took out a photo of a young boy and sighed. How could things have gotten so wrong between a mother and her son? And what had happened in the last few months to make it worse?

Suddenly, a train rushed past the station, but instead of stopping, it rushed straight past the station.

"What the hell is going on?" thought the old woman.

In the train, the passengers were lying in a pool of blood. A man in a tuxedo sat on the floor, licking his lips. There was something dripping from his mouth. Blood. Fresh blood.

Overhead, a helicopter followed the train. There was a logo on its door that read G.R.A.V.E - Black Ops. Inside the helicopter, a boy, about 13 in age, knelt on the floor, sword in hand. He tapped his foot on the floor impatiently, willing time to pass faster.

"When are you going to begin the mission?" he asked the pilot. The pilot ignored him, and muttered something.

"Mission commencing in 3-2-"

The boy grinned. "Thanks dude!" he said, slinging his sword over his back.

"1- mark. Begin mission."

The helicopter's door slid open. The boy was about to jump off when a voice said "Hikaru!"

The boy looked back and snapped "What?!"

A man strode out of the shadows. There was a gigantic shotgun attached to his left leg, and he has a katana slung over his back. He was also wearing a purple cloak.

"Hikaru, concentrate. This is a big task you're undertaking."

Hikaru sighed. "Yes, Wasabi."

He jumped from the helicopter and landed on the train. As he equipped his sword, his eyes glowed a blood red. When he smashed a window into pieces with the butt of his sword, a foul stench rose into the air. Blood. He slid into the train, feeling slightly nervous. When he saw what was in the train, he nearly fainted.

The train floor was littered with dead bodies. Many of them died a gruesome death, judging by the way their bodies were sliced into pieces. Hikaru clenched his fist. "Whoever did this must be stopped!" he muttered, running into the next carriage. Carriage after carriage, he only saw one thing: Dead people.

As he ran into the driver's cabin, someone greeted him.

"Welcome....... to hell."

Sorry for double posting, but I wish to stress that this was made to explain G.R.A.V.Es history, thus it's crappy....

oooooo cant wait til the 2nd ch!

Thanks Draco!
And please rate.

I hope you don't mind if i Try to tell you about your FF.
I'll try to be as nice as possible.
First off, Your story Started off like the old women was the main character.
I don't get that. because then after you switched to the Boy named
"Hikaru" and then it seemed like you wanted the boy to be the main.
The old lady Isn't even needed, in fact, it would be a better FF
if the "old lady" wasn't there at all. I understand you put her there because you
wanted to give a Look on the person in the train and all but since your already
in a 3rd person view why dont you just do a 3rd person view on the guy in the train
or do it on Hikaru?
Another thing was, Still it could have been more smooth.
You made too many useless sentences instead of using that space
for the Description and Feeling.
The Smell, touch, sight, Everything.
Overall, Almost quite a decent FF.
Good effort.
Keep it up.

Ah, how do you know the old woman isn't one of the characters..?

hey can i help to make a few chapters since i'm quite a good writer and usually make storys funny well if you need my help just pm me

If you wanna write give a prologue.
O_O

And whee.
I know shes most likely not in the story because its logic.
The Story is about the boy and the guy in the train.
The Train happens to pass the subway.
And the old lady just happens to be there.
but then he went and told about her and not about the
guy in the train or the Boy.
Thats why its useless.
If you read other books you will find out.
another thing is if you have read his other FF pay attention and
observe his Writing style.
then you will notice.

There's a prequel somewhere.
Hm.. I've never heard of a Grave novel before..
I'll check it out.

if it is a novel he definitely altered with it.
The writing Level of a book is FAR FAR beyond.
No possible way a chapter like this would've been published

>.>
So you mean OTHER books, not a GRAVE book...
Besides, and again, how do you know this old woman can't have a son who's related to the main character at hand?
I mean, you're not looking at the broader view of the FF, maybe she really does have a connection; I see nothing that makes her unnecessary in the storyline, we've not seen chapter 2 or beyond, so we can't fathom the relationship between them. Maybe he purposely put her in there, so to explain her presence in this chapter at a later time.

WTF crisis core.....?

pvtsharp wrote:WTF crisis core.....?

??? Yeah the start is a bit like it......,

LeoWu wrote:If you wanna write give a prologue.
O_O

And whee.
I know shes most likely not in the story because its logic.
The Story is about the boy and the guy in the train.
The Train happens to pass the subway.
And the old lady just happens to be there.
but then he went and told about her and not about the
guy in the train or the Boy.
Thats why its useless.
If you read other books you will find out.
another thing is if you have read his other FF pay attention and
observe his Writing style.
then you will notice.

The old lady is a sub-character. She will appear at random times in the story.
And thank you for your harsh but honest opinion.
I will try to improve in the next chapter.

lol XD i tink im hooked on to this

Dracoplasm wrote:lol XD i tink im hooked on to this

It's not that good 0.o
It's an attempt to explain G.R.A.V.E's history.......

This would be easy to video-fy...
*Works on making it a video*
:3

why does everyone say that?...............

Cuz they wanna say it duh XD

Dracoplasm wrote:Cuz they wanna say it duh XD

u frckin spammer

Im Not a Spammer -.-