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Vampire World ch.1

Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 2:44 am
by 1LastBreath
Hey, my name is Jay Adams and I go to Maple High School. I would seem like a normal kid..but I'm not. Well, my parents were killed in a bank robbery. I wasn't there but the robbers snuck quietly and stole most of the things in my house and broke my leg and injected me with poison. Luckily i knew a couple vampires who would've happily helped me. I tryed to get up but it was painful it felt as if someone was cutting my legs off with a handsaw. I tryed to get down my stairs but I fell hard. I was rolling down my stairs one by one until I hit a desk and the phone fell off the desk and hit me in the face "Ow that hurt". I called Adam my vampire friend but his sister Taylor picked up the phone and I told her I had an emergency. She said "Stay calm Jay we'll be right there" and well she was here with Adam in about 5 seconds. I told them the story of the poison and stuff and Adam said "well, I guess you'll be a vampire too". My face froze, I didn't know that this would come down to, well this.


I wanted to do this but a part of me didn't want to do the horrible process of being bitten by a vampire. I thought about it and said " well it's the only thing before this poison gets to my vital organs..so do your worst". It was soo painful, Adam didn't think " do your worst was a figure of speech".In the end I felt powerful and invincible I was a vampire and I new it would be fun first thing to do after this is eat! We went hunting I ate two whole mountain lions. The next day I went back to school. The 10th grade bully came up to me and said "He wimp did your parents go boom". His whole group laughed and I couldn't help it. I punched him so hard his two teeth fell out. He backed away scared. He said "Yo man I didn't mean". I replied " then pick on someone else dude". I walked down the hall and the girl I used to like said " whoa, I didn't know you had it in you". I said" well, everything has a first". I walked on down the hall. My first class, english with Mr.Lowlife. He is the most boring teacher in this school. He sends home loads of homework, then goes home to watch romances and has the science teacher make him a hologram wife.

After school I walked home threw my stuff down and wnt to grab a bite to eat. I was thinking goat blood but then i went to another mountain lion. I ran home past Melissa's house and she called my name"Jay". I stopped to look up and she came down. Knowing by the look she has a romance question. Well, she came out with it " Hey,Jay would you wanna go see a movie"? I said" Naww were just friends right". I shot her a smile and walked on. She stood there dazed and probably wondering why her old crush turned her down. Adam called me and asked if I wanted to go to Hawaii for a vacation. I said "why not it would'nt hurt" He said " you can bring a friend". I thought about Alexandra this girl who likes me who wouldn't mind a nice trip to Hawaii with me. The next day I saw her and said " wanna come with me and my friend on a trip to Hawaii"? She said"sure why not it will be fun". The next day i got my things packed and went to Hawaii on my precious summer holidays.





The end of chapter one tell me and rate it if you like it tell me if you want me to keep writing and if you don't then well rate it anyway thx ~Jay~

Re: Vampire World ch.1

Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 2:58 am
by MsMeowzers
._.
You kinda just copied Vampire's Life. (F3)

Anyways,5/10

Re: Vampire World ch.1

Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 3:09 am
by 1LastBreath
I did well i didnt bother reading so thx for the rating peace Laterz Jay

Re: Vampire World ch.1

Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 3:28 am
by LeoWu
MsMeowzers wrote:._.
You kinda just copied Vampire's Life. (F3)

Anyways,5/10


Pfft the Noob Starts Rating.
Wow.
Im kinda speechless.

The story was ok
1/10

Re: Vampire World ch.1

Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 3:36 am
by 1LastBreath
Thx for your honesty im trying my best to write better with puntuation and longness of the FF (cool)

Re: Vampire World ch.1

Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 4:00 am
by LeoWu
1LastBreath wrote:Thx for your honesty im trying my best to write better with puntuation and longness of the FF (cool)


You see that ^^^^^ thats Determination!
you get 5 extra points for it !!! 6/10!

Re: Vampire World ch.1

Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 4:02 am
by 1LastBreath
wow thx Leo y'know sometime ill send my fanfics to u so u an make them better so one day ill get a perfect 10/10 from the zaylo and well U!!

Re: Vampire World ch.1

Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 4:53 am
by LeoWu
Great I will be waiting. but im only alive for another 70-90 years

Re: Vampire World ch.1

Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 5:28 am
by synn90210
someone please kill me.....why is everyone all obsessed with the phailure of vampires in maple now? WTF (MS2)

Re: Vampire World ch.1

Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 5:59 am
by jonlin
before Zaylo gets here to comment..... I feel sorry for the fact that you used vampires for you will now die of burns. from flaming.... get it?

Re: Vampire World ch.1

Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 6:03 am
by 1LastBreath
thx jonlin (F7) (F7)

Re: Vampire World ch.1

Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 8:03 am
by LeoWu
I noticed Why is Everyone Writing about vampires in an Ms FF web site?

its kinda like

"My wings Sprouted as i pulled out my Gun!
I flew in the Air! DOUBLE SHOT!"
BEW BEW
2 Lightning bullets Shot past the target!
"TIME TO CHANGE INTO VAMPIRE MODE!"
RAWR! IM AN VAMPIRE!
I WILL KILL YOU!!!


Ya you know what i mean.
Like Vampire in maple = Lame. maple + Vampire = lamer.
Edward+Maple=lamest
Twilight + maple= Even Lamer than Lamest O_O

Re: Vampire World ch.1

Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 8:05 am
by 1LastBreath
and leo is exACtly why i didnt do it on twilight but cause i like Vamps like Miss Vamp

Re: Vampire World ch.1

Posted: Sun Nov 08, 2009 4:04 pm
by MsMeowzers
Sheesh Leo.
If you don't like Vampire ffs,DONT BOTHER READING THEM.

Re: Vampire World ch.1

Posted: Mon Nov 09, 2009 1:21 am
by LeoWu
Exactly you Retard.
If you are Wanting to post your lame vampire story
Then go POST IT ON SOME OTHER SITE!

Re: Vampire World ch.1

Posted: Mon Nov 09, 2009 1:42 am
by Zaylo
LeoWu wrote:Exactly you Retard.
If you are Wanting to post your lame vampire story
Then go POST IT ON SOME OTHER SITE!

Vampires are everything that the people who worship them aren't.
Strong
Dark
Smart
Hit Puberty

Re: Vampire World ch.1

Posted: Mon Nov 09, 2009 1:58 am
by yowza
Lol (F3) ?????????????????

Re: Vampire World ch.1

Posted: Mon Nov 09, 2009 7:52 pm
by jonlin
Zaylo wrote:
LeoWu wrote:Exactly you Retard.
If you are Wanting to post your lame vampire story
Then go POST IT ON SOME OTHER SITE!

Vampires are everything that the people who worship them aren't.
Strong
Dark
Smart
Hit Puberty




LOL wow zaylo that was a low blow (F3)

Re: Vampire World ch.1

Posted: Tue Nov 10, 2009 8:44 pm
by 1LastBreath
im storng ish black hair smairt and hit puberty well almost done im 14