First fan fic! Safe

[stng75]

A flicker...
A man stood near a tree...
On the tree were etchings which read "Love is lost"
"Marin...," a woman's voice was heard, "Marin?"
The man named Marin turned his head, "Yes?"
"Are you ok?"
Marin touched his head "I think so... and...who are you?"
The woman looked puzzled "Marin it's me, Rena"
Marin turned and exclaimed, "I don't know why you are telling me your name, I clearly do not know you!"
Rena cried and drew a sword.
"You told me this would happen...," Rena cried, "You told me that I would have to kill you if it failed."
"If what failed!?" exclaimed Marin.
Rena charged straight at Marin and thrust her sword into his chest.
"Why...," Marin coughed, "Why have you done this to me?"a
Rena cried, "The experiment... To save Harold's life..."
Marin stood, bleeding, "Harold? Is Harold ok!?"
"I see you can remember Harold...," Rena said as she cried, "Harold, my brother, is not doing well."
"If you are Harold's sister... Then how can I not remember you?"
"You tried to save his life... With Dr. Kim's new experimental machine...I must go to El Nath now... Alcaster needs me."
Rena walked away to town.
"The maple tree...," Marin closed his eyes, "If only I could remember what the machine was..."
Marin's eyes closed...
He began to remember.

lol this is a prologue
see if u like it =3

[chobbilight]

omg whats gonna happen next ....i wanna know....write it now!!!

[stng75]

You sure??
I made this and thought that people would criticize me cuz it wasn't that good
Did u even read the whole thing?

[chobbilight]

i wanna know what happened 2 marin before he lost his memory

[stng75]

A little hint for the viewing excitement
Story is memory

[chobbilight]

awww cmon shut up and write the next chapter

[stng75]

LOL so u didn't like the hint huh

[chobbilight]

i did like the hint but i want 2 read it

[stng75]

Well this is just a prologue the real stuff will be coming soon

[chobbilight]

Well this is just a prologue the real stuff will be coming soon

*happy face* when will the real stuff come?

[Zaylo]

HOLY HAX?!??!?!
A good fanfic, my eyes must decieve me!0-0

Orginal Storyline: 8
Cliffhanger:7
Grammar/Spelling : 6 ( remember new paragraph after someone talks 2 spaces.)

Overall :7.5

Pretty Pro my friend

[RedKashi]

That is the most wonderful thing i have ever read...

[zenopop]

awesome job, got people hooked

[stng75]

HOLY HAX?!??!?!
A good fanfic, my eyes must decieve me!0-0

Orginal Storyline: 8
Cliffhanger:7
Grammar/Spelling : 6 ( remember new paragraph after someone talks 2 spaces.)

Overall :7.5

Pretty Pro my friend

Thanks zaylo and everybody else
I can tell you that I myself will be in the first chapter
So will others I hope you recognize them
And this is my first ever fan fic so thanks for the support
I need some criticism to u guys
I need to learn from my mistakes

[jonlin]

hmm i wonder what mine is rated............. Zaylo?

hmm yeah after someone talks to make it clearer double space like this:

"yo" said Caelin

"wassup" Austin replied

[stng75]

Well this is my first
Also rate from 1/10

[jonlin]

hmm interesting storyline, grammar needs a little work, and a little confusing at first but.... 8/10

[stng75]

Thanks it relly helps with a rating

[poke1024]

whoa, u even impressed zaylo, and no one impresses zaylo

wow, write more, this thing is great

all my training has payed off...jk

great stuff

[stng75]

What training?
We sat around all day, drank coffee, and watched woman's tennis