princess and pegasus

[CoolKid]

There was a princess in a small kingdom called illusion. The princess's name was Comet, only because the night of her birth the sky showered itself in shining stars that looked like comets. Comet had two gorgeous friends named mina and Brit.

It was Comet's birthday and everyone had chipped in to buy her a brand new diamond ring and chalice. It was only a matter of time before Comet awoke and walked sleepily to the curtains. Comet pulled them apart and looked out
at the blinding sun before her. She looked downwards and saw everyone in the kingdom waiting for her arrival. She got her gown on and ran down the stairs. When she got to the village everyone sung "happy birthday" Comet was so happy. she pulled apart the wrapping on her present and then gasped. " Its so beautiful…" Comet said. " Thank you guys!"

two weeks after Comet's birthday, she decided to try on the ring. She put the chalice on her wardrobe and suddenly the chalice began to glow along with the ring. A bright flash of light sent comet backwards and a moment later a beautiful pegasus appeared, shining like a star, in her room. Comet was stunned at the sight of the mystical creature. She reached over and pet it. It suddenly lowered its wings allowing Comet to climb onto his back. Comet looked out the window seeing it was night. As quickly as she could, she grabbed her night gown breathing lightly. She named the pegasus starlight. She climbed on starlight's back and they rode through the skies. Comet was screaming as they rode through the clouds. Starlight took Comet back home and they both slept.

In the morning Starlight was gone. Comet sighed, she knew something was going to happen but she wouldn't let it cross her mind.




this is the story i said i was going to publish. still not finished

[Whee]

-speechless-
Um, er, how should I break this beginning...
I feel like you just strangled me...
-cough profusely-

I'm sure it'll make a nice picture book, though.
...Argh.

[CoolKid]

was that a compliment or insult

[jonlin]

if you can't tell I have one question for you. are you 9?

[EternalSorrow]

The princess's name was Comet, only because the night of her birth the sky showered itself

It took a bath?

[CoolKid]

no it didnt, IT HAD THOUSANDS OF SHOOTING COMETS AND STARS
and yes im 9

[EternalSorrow]

Nine year olds don't get books published

[CoolKid]

only if its amazingly awsome they do

[Dracoplasm]

gawd.
No punctuations.
No Paragraph
No Storyline.
0/10

[jonlin]

only if its amazingly awsome they do

The point is that nine year olds don't become published writers because they suck at writing. Not just because they are nine.

[Dracoplasm]

But if a gay like Justin Beaver can be a star at 14.
why cant ppl publish their book at 9?

[CoolKid]

i have edited the story and what do u think?

[skygar9]

i have edited the story and what do u think?

Don't give a damn about the flamers, they're just angry because you're 10 years old and can create a good story.


I think it's a good story, just needs some minor editing and it'll be perfect.

[CoolKid]

thx. im making it a chapter book so i need lots of ideas. i already got lke 2000 ideas

[synn90210]

I hate when people put nice comments just because its the right thing to do.

I'll give it to you straight up. It wasn't good. Your grammar was bad, Paragraphs were not right and the story overall was not good.

My advice? I'd say that before you post your stories maybe ask around the site and have people who actually know what they are doing read it over. Your best bet would be to have Zaylo, Jonlin, Poke, or (if you are desperate) me read it first and make necessary revisions.

You don't absolutely have to do this but if you do not want to get flamed then take heed of my advice

[skygar9]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Dont listen to him. Just keep on doing what you are doing, no matter how many times people flame you, troll you or anything. Just ignore those comments or report them because they are giving no critisism except for saying 'OMG THIS FANFIC IS HORRIBLE OMG OMGOMG!!!!!!11"

Though everyone in the fanfic section hates the fact that when they troll you and you still write fanfics, well, they will get overlyfustrated and possibly never post in fanfic section again due to the fact that YOU kept on writing when they told you NOT to. Which is a good thing, then trolls wont flame you. Also, look out for my comments. They're the only nice one's you'll see.


my critisism for this fanfic: This is perfect. Just a few corrections and it'll be COMPLETLEY perfect.

[LeoWu3]

Skygar, If you want to make a nice comment, at least make it look real and you mean it. Not like full niceness.

[skygar9]

Skygar, If you want to make a nice comment, at least make it look real and you mean it. Not like full niceness.

Maybe YOU don't think it looks real, but I am being completley honest. Coolkid even thinks it's nice.


But you can think whatever you want, I am never changing my mind.

[LeoWu3]

Skygar, If you want to make a nice comment, at least make it look real and you mean it. Not like full niceness.

Maybe YOU don't think it looks real, but I am being completley honest. Coolkid even thinks it's nice.


But you can think whatever you want, I am never changing my mind.

I know you wont. I just kinda find it funny. You called your best friend's story like just amazing. Better than anyone else.
And.. Hes your best friend. So I doubt he will feel as if he accomplished anything with you saying that. If anyone even understood what I meant.

[skygar9]

Um, Coolkid is a girl and Coolkid is so young and writing really good. So.