Sucked in! Chapter Two
Sucked In! chapter two. I think I will divide the chapters into some with the main characters, and one to help the storyline along.
Last Chapter:
viewtopic.php?f=14&t=1667
Jonathon's POV
I already felt more powerful. I had been training on these mushroom's for a few hours, charging any one I saw. This was when I realized that If this was like maplestory, I should be able to check my level. So I looked around at my clothes and noticed that my watch had gotten a new button. I pressed this button and all of a sudden, a screen popped up in front of me! I looked at it carefully. It had a picture of me, then beside it my level and fame and guild:
My 'Level': 23
Fame: 0
Guild: ---
Oh man, I have been training since I got here but I still don't know anyone, how I am here, how to get back, what to do, where to go, or anything like that! I figured I would look for an old man to ask some questions, and yes I know that's a stereotype, but Hey, It's a game! This is when I look up and realize i chased the monsters a bit too far... I don't recognize where I am!
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Drake's POV
"PHEW!" I exclaimed as I sat down on this weird chair I got from some plumber guy. This killing stuff was hard work! I looked up and suddenly was filled with dread. I was surrounded by a bunch of mountains I didn't know, A mist was slowly thickening, and weird looking monsters were appearing as silhouettes in the mist, one by one. I slowly turned around a few times and scouted out the weakest monsters. There was a group of snails on my left, and a few mushrooms at my back right, But the rest of the monster silhouette's looked really tough. I decided it would only get worse with time and that is when HE stepped out. He had short black hair that blew easily with the wind, and appeared to be holding a sword that looked like it WANTED to be huge, like some oversized skyscraper, but was being compressed into a thin blade by this man's power. He stepped out of the mist and it all suddenly dissolved. I stepped back in the sudden shock, there must have been MILLIONS of monster's around me. I think at least 99 thousand of every monster must have been there. The man walking towards me calmly emitted almost a pressure, I felt like I couldn't move. I saw his lips starting to move, and focused my senses to hear him.
"-come with me, Drake. Let me research you. I promise, you won't be in TOO much pain..." then he started to laugh, an overpowering sound that brought me to my knees. I was starting to despair. He walked closer, closer, closer...."
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Caelin's POV.
"It worked!" exclaimed a researcher.
I sighed.... all the other researcher had their experiment's working.... why couldn't my bio-data experiment work?
"It's ok Caelin." said my friend Justin. " I'm sure it'll work sometime... you just overshot yourself."
That's what everyone says. 'you overshot yourself' or 'maybe next time' why can't my experiments just WORK! It should work. I mean, come on, creating a minature bio-matter world and transporting data from a computer into a bio-matter body with a duplicate of the computer owner's soul shouldn't be THAT impossible... right?
Hope you liked it! well R&R I guess =p (rate and review)
Last Chapter:
viewtopic.php?f=14&t=1667
Jonathon's POV
I already felt more powerful. I had been training on these mushroom's for a few hours, charging any one I saw. This was when I realized that If this was like maplestory, I should be able to check my level. So I looked around at my clothes and noticed that my watch had gotten a new button. I pressed this button and all of a sudden, a screen popped up in front of me! I looked at it carefully. It had a picture of me, then beside it my level and fame and guild:
My 'Level': 23
Fame: 0
Guild: ---
Oh man, I have been training since I got here but I still don't know anyone, how I am here, how to get back, what to do, where to go, or anything like that! I figured I would look for an old man to ask some questions, and yes I know that's a stereotype, but Hey, It's a game! This is when I look up and realize i chased the monsters a bit too far... I don't recognize where I am!
*********************************************
Drake's POV
"PHEW!" I exclaimed as I sat down on this weird chair I got from some plumber guy. This killing stuff was hard work! I looked up and suddenly was filled with dread. I was surrounded by a bunch of mountains I didn't know, A mist was slowly thickening, and weird looking monsters were appearing as silhouettes in the mist, one by one. I slowly turned around a few times and scouted out the weakest monsters. There was a group of snails on my left, and a few mushrooms at my back right, But the rest of the monster silhouette's looked really tough. I decided it would only get worse with time and that is when HE stepped out. He had short black hair that blew easily with the wind, and appeared to be holding a sword that looked like it WANTED to be huge, like some oversized skyscraper, but was being compressed into a thin blade by this man's power. He stepped out of the mist and it all suddenly dissolved. I stepped back in the sudden shock, there must have been MILLIONS of monster's around me. I think at least 99 thousand of every monster must have been there. The man walking towards me calmly emitted almost a pressure, I felt like I couldn't move. I saw his lips starting to move, and focused my senses to hear him.
"-come with me, Drake. Let me research you. I promise, you won't be in TOO much pain..." then he started to laugh, an overpowering sound that brought me to my knees. I was starting to despair. He walked closer, closer, closer...."
*********************************************************
Caelin's POV.
"It worked!" exclaimed a researcher.
I sighed.... all the other researcher had their experiment's working.... why couldn't my bio-data experiment work?
"It's ok Caelin." said my friend Justin. " I'm sure it'll work sometime... you just overshot yourself."
That's what everyone says. 'you overshot yourself' or 'maybe next time' why can't my experiments just WORK! It should work. I mean, come on, creating a minature bio-matter world and transporting data from a computer into a bio-matter body with a duplicate of the computer owner's soul shouldn't be THAT impossible... right?
Hope you liked it! well R&R I guess =p (rate and review)
Last edited by jonlin on Sat Jan 23, 2010 1:35 am, edited 1 time in total.
Re: Sucked in! Chapter Two
lol, give me a part 
ill give the first section 7/10
second 3/10 cause it wasnt clear
third a 2/10 cause it said it worked, but then the confusing stuff

ill give the first section 7/10
second 3/10 cause it wasnt clear
third a 2/10 cause it said it worked, but then the confusing stuff
Re: Sucked in! Chapter Two
DUDE! omg....i guess u read chapter 3 of mah fanfic pretty closely (the part about Drake bein part cyborg and researched by scientists) YAY 

Re: Sucked in! Chapter Two
umm what? I just made something up 

- Duality
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Re: Sucked in! Chapter Two
the cyborg thing and part 2 didnt make sense but overal i give 8/10 

Re: Sucked in! Chapter Two
jonlin wrote:umm what? I just made something up
oh well yeah it was in ch3 of my fan fic but whatever idc if u use it

Re: Sucked in! Chapter Two
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actually Caelin in this story is sad because he thinks his experiment's fail but in reality, every single one worked, transporting copies of canvas, Drake, Jonathon and a few other's souls into a biomatter world created by Caelin. They then have a war to get out, basically.
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actually Caelin in this story is sad because he thinks his experiment's fail but in reality, every single one worked, transporting copies of canvas, Drake, Jonathon and a few other's souls into a biomatter world created by Caelin. They then have a war to get out, basically.
**************************************** SPOILER *****************************
**************************************** SPOILER *****************************
**************************************** SPOILER *****************************
**************************************** SPOILER *****************************
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Re: Sucked in! Chapter Two
Great job caelin u ruind the whole story, just jk
Re: Sucked in! Chapter Two
that's what the spoiler tags were for 

Re: Sucked in! Chapter Two
lol, that is why they said it worked, then it didnt
Re: Sucked in! Chapter Two
no..... if you are talking about how at the beginning of Caelin's POV a scientist yells 'It worked!' the is someone else, not him.
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Re: Sucked in! Chapter Two
lolz the presure is like in bleach. reiatsu (does some1 know what i'm talking about?)
Re: Sucked in! Chapter Two
lol I hadn't thought about that. I just thought about an overwhelming pressure =p
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Re: Sucked in! Chapter Two
its the same thought
Re: Sucked in! Chapter Two

- chobbilight
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Re: Sucked in! Chapter Two
overwhelming pressure is reiatsu like ichigo was fighting zarachi kenpachi....ichigo went on his knees because of the pressure
Re: Sucked in! Chapter Two
0.o ummm sorry I don't obsess over bleach... I just made this up... I feel pathetic now.... 

Re: Sucked in! Chapter Two
so when are u gonna go on with ch3?
Re: Sucked in! Chapter Two
maybe sometime soon.... MAYBE.
Re: Sucked in! Chapter Two
you better
I cant w8
maybe ill write it for you..... wait, i cant, working on a maple flash game with monty's personal help
I cant w8
maybe ill write it for you..... wait, i cant, working on a maple flash game with monty's personal help