Long Shadow- Chapter 1

[SuzzieMarchHare]

One morning there was a kid named Taro, he admired cats. He was 16... It was a stormy day
"S-S-S-Sara...." Taro said. "Did he hit you?" he questioned her. "No..." Sara answered. "I fell, it was an accident..." she said. "Really....?" Matthew said. "Y-Y-Yes..... I have to go now..." Sara replied. A voice echoed in Taro's head. "B-b-bye...." Matthew's voice echoed. "I'm back..." Sara said.

"You are so slow" A deep voice echoed. "Why do you care....?!" Sara screamed. A long shadow appeared in front of her. "Stop whining or you'll be sorry..." the shadow said. "Shut up!" Sara screamed in fear.

"Why back so soon?" Said Tora's friend. "He hit her again...." Matthew replied. "Why do you call him "he" ?" Questioned Sora Taro's friend. "Fine Kyo hit Sara....." Taru said looking at Sora. "I'm back!!" said Sara. Sora's eyes shined with happiness. "You have more cuts...." said Taro. "......" Sara looked at them blank. "Kyo did it?" Sora asked. "Umm...." struggled Sara. "It's okay Sara..." Sora and Taru said. "Fine.... he did...." Sara said. "Ugh..." Taru said getting up. "You can't hurt Sara anymore!" Screamed both of the boys. "You can't decide that" Kyo grinned. "If you want it like this...." Taru's eyes ticked in hate. "There fighting...." Sara thought. 10 minutes later Kyo was on the ground. "Fine i'll leave!" Kyo said in pain. "Do you fell better?" Taru asked Sara. "I'll come back..." Kyo said in his thoughts. ".....Yes...." Sara said taking her bandages off. "That bear...." Said Sora. Sara threw a teddy-bear on the ground. "Who was this from....?" Sora worried. "Kyo...." Sara said slowly.

[jonlin]

Fairly good, just add in a lot more description and put a double space inbetween two characters talking so you don't end up with a blob

[synn90210]

Your grammatical errors are giving me cancer. Fix them