D.O.O.M. Story Chapter 1

[conaneve1]

If you are reading this, Congratulations, You are reading My fan fiction and yes, its my first...
Okay, Here we go!

uh, i will start it right now...
Character set, I am Kaymon... so just remember that and dont mistake me for someone else
Chapter 1
The Portals of Time and Space (Chapter 1)
"So this is it?" I questioned to myself in my head...
"It must be..." I thought
"Yay, ITS FLORINA!!!" I yelled...
I ran to the water and jumped while yelling "CANNONBALL!!", but when i fell, "Ow!" I said when i hit the sand, I thought to myself, "Where did the... oh my..."... As I walked around, my feet burning, I saw a local village... As I walked to it, I thought... "Boy, where did all of those people come from, and why am i in Ariant?" Then I walked back and i saw Florina again...
"Woah, I cant belive it, ITS A HIDDEN PORTAL!" I yelled
"Hidden Portal? Where?" Karen Said
"Right here, and who are you?" I said
"What? There isnt a hidden portal right here! And I am Karen" She Said
"Watch me jump into it!" I said as a jumped into the water and teleported to Ariant
"Where are you? Ahh whatever" she said as she jumped in and teleported...
"Where are we?" She asked
"Ariant..."
"In a hidden street?" She asked
"Yes, it seems to be, it looks like ... Sandy Street, the never found- but seen map, Nobody could get in or out!" I said kinda worried...
"Well, you found a way in so we can get out... right?" She asked kinda worried
"Yes, well... I did" I said
"Okay, I guess we should just walk around for a few minutes... to find the portal?" She Asked
"Yup" I said as i was walking around...
a Few minutes of walking around later!
"Nothing..." I said
"Nothing too" She said
As I tried to run to get out of the tall mountains, I thought "This is the last chance..."...
...
...
"BWAAAH!"
Wait for the next page, but umm, yeah... Also, if you want one of my Reserved Spaces, just Sign up one character for the Fan fiction then tell me and i can post your message and say its by you! (PM me the Message)

[conaneve1]

"BWAAAAAAAH!" We yelled in fear, as we saw alot of... bunches of ... well... fires, cracks in the earth, flying ships...
"Where are we?" We said at the same time...
"Maybe... Is it possible... No, it ... shouldnt be..." I said
"Hm, Maybe its the future?" She said
"WOAH WHAT IS THAT?!" I yelled as i saw a weird spider looking thing
"Its... huge!" She said as she looked at the spider
"Y3ah, G31 [_]53d 10 11" This weird cyborg thing said
"Wha..? What are you and what are you saying?" I said questioning what it is
"1m 4 Cyb076, 4n6 1/\/\ 141k1n8 "C7b4n", d0n1 [_] n0 1t?" The Cyborg said
"... ... What is ... are we in the future?" I said
"Hup!" This thief said as he was jumping off of a huge cliff...
"Who are you?" I questioned the exploring thief...
"Glynn" He answered
"81_1_145!" The cyborg yelled
"Get back!" Glynn yelled
BOOM!!!
"Ahh, the classic -- OH MY ... GOD" Glynn said
The Cyborg let out a huge beam of fire ice lightning and poison!
"BWAH!!" Everyone yelled besides the cyborg
"Where are we?" Glynn said
"... From what i know, we are in... wow I dont know!" I said
"Oh wait... Yeah, were in Zen Forest" Glynn said
"Wait... THIS IS ELLINIA!!" I yelled
"Wha... What is Ellinia?" Glynn said as if he never knew
"Ellinia... Is the homeplace for the mages..." I said knowing that something possibly happened to the tree of life and the Mages...
"Magicians? wait, You expect me to think mages exist... The ONLY magicians everyone knows that there true are Cygnus Knights" Glynn said
"They do exist, watch" I said as I was about to heal
Healed for 50 Damage
"..." Glynn was suprised
"... Come with me now" Glynn whispered quietly
"Huh? Whats wrong" I whispered
"Just come on" Glynn said as he turned to a broken down tree and he tried to jump to the top
"Umm, okay" I said as I was teleporting
Glynn was jumping one side of the tree to the other until he was at the top...
"You okay?" I said
"Yeah, Im just fine." Glynn said
"What about me?!" She yelled
"I will teleport to save her" I said as I was teleporting down and then up
"Thanks" She said
"No problem" I said
"Come on!" Glynn said
"Oh right!" I said
As he was jumping from tree to tree, I was teleporting

Cant think of that much more for this page, I will edit it later

[conaneve1]

As we were jumping/teleporting tree to tree, something happened, in Ellinia...
"WHAT IS THAT?!" I said as I saw the firey remains of the Life Tree... that seemed like it was done by magic, but i could be mistaken...
"That, is... wait... THE TREE OF ZEN!" Glynn yelled as he was running to it.
He tripped as running down the hill and fell right ontop of a mysterious figure who seemed to have a powerful ray of magic...
"Is that... Grendel?" I said as thinking magicians existed
"N... No... wait... I sense power-- uhh, I must leave" The mystery person said as he was sprinting away
"... We are getting close to the end of the Zen Forest... or as you say... Ellinia" Glynn said as he was sitting
As we were walking to the end of Zen Forest, We ran into a slime...
"... Lets just avoid that" Glynn said...
"Holy Rain!" Someone yelled as a bunch of holy ray's fell onto everyone here...
"... Oww... my head hurts..." I said in pain
"He... Heal..." I said as trying to heal myself...
"Why... cant I... Heal..?" I said as my spell didnt work

[conaneve1]

Reserved for a Member

[conaneve1]

Reserved for a Member

[conaneve1]

Reserved for a Member, Sorry, but this is my post, I get to reserve, i think... If not, then get someone thats a moderator, then erase it, if that what you think

[skygar9]

You can now not reserve a post. Owait, you didn't need to. Oh well.

[Dracoplasm]

Hmmm.
i believe you should improve spelling

[poke1024]

you need to improve your spacing too, go check out my fan fic

[playa4life01]

you need to improve everything
stop using to many ...
and get ur pages on the right place?

[conaneve1]

Hmmm.
i believe you should improve spelling

I have recently, and now someone has signed up for a part as a shadow paladin so I can continue...

[jonlin]

I would like to say the storyline is good, but I can barely understand it.
Leet speek is terrible to use in a fanfic(NEVER USE IT)
put in double spacing and more description, generally clean your story up.

honestly this goes as a 1/10 for now. I'm sorry.