Heroes of Time:Chapter 1

[Gatorade]

Please don't leave bad comments.
This is my first fan fic.

Chapter 1

"Ouch!" a young girl shouted,dropping her books. "Sorry." said the young boy. "Here let me help you with your books."

As the young boy picked up the books he saw the girl had a weird looking curse mark on her arm similar to his. The young boy asked "What is your name?" The young girl said "Crystal,yours? "Gator." the young boy said with a smirk on his face.

"Crystal,has that mark always been there?" Gator asked. "Yes,since I was born,why do you ask? said Crystal. Gator gave Crystal her books back and,started to walk away.

"Wait!" Crystal said. "Where are you going?" Gator ignored Crystal and kept on walking,Crystal followed. After 12 minutes of walking they bumped into someone named,Kite. As Gator looked at Kite he saw that Kite had the same curse mark.

"Kite,how long has that curse mark been there?" Gator asked. Kite said "I don't know,I guess since I was born." The 3 of them heard an intense laugh behind them.

Gator turned around and shouted "Who is there?!" There was no one. Kite screamed "Ouch!"

Gator looked at Kite. Kite said " There is a cut on my arm." They heard the laugh again. Gator was thinking of the laugh because it sounded familiar.

Crystal screamed and there was nothing. They knew somebody was there but who. Kite said he has an ability to look into the future so he did. He saw that him,Crystal,and Gator are the chosen ones but there was one more.

Kite said his brother also has the curse mark. We went to go find Kite's brother. After 2 days of looking we couldn't find him. Kite looked into the future. He stopped,tears were running down his face.

"What happened?" Gator asked. Kite said quietly "Somebody k-killed my brother." More tears ran down his face.

Crystal and Gator were ready to find the murderer of Kites brother. Kite stopped crying and went with Gator and Crystal. Gator kept listening to that laughter. He thought of his mortal enemy,Chobbi.

"Hey,you there!" said a mysterious voice. Gator said in his mind "That voice...it's sounds so familiar."

The person came out of the bushes. It was Kibagami,Gator's best friend. "Kibagami,is that you?" Gator said happily.

Gator ran to Kibagami and they hugged. Gator told Kibagami they needed help. Gator told Crystal and Kite that Kibagami has a curse mark too. He was the last person to find.






Rate please.I know i suck this is my first one.>_<



Credits-
Crystal - MsMeowzers
Kite - PvtSharp
Gator - me
Kibagami - EmberSparks

[Dracoplasm]

lol its great this is ur 1st fanfic right? 8/10
and can i be in it?

[steveking99]

lol its great this is ur 1st fanfic right? 8/10
and can i be in it?

6/10
way to much dialogue put some more details.

[pvtsharp]

It's very ggood for a first time FF writer, 1 single problem, i think it was a slight bit rushed.

[Gatorade]

Well this is my first fanfic.

[pvtsharp]

you should thank god leowu never saw this...

but from me, it's a true well deserved 7/10

[Zaylo]

Please don't leave bad comments.
This is my first fan fic.

Chapter 1

"Ouch!" a young girl shouted,dropping her books. "Sorry." said the young boy. "Here let me help you with your books."

As the young boy picked up the books he saw the girl had a weird looking curse mark on her arm similar to his. The young boy asked "What is your name?" The young girl said "Crystal,yours? "Gator." the young boy said with a smirk on his face.

"Crystal,has that mark always been there?" Gator asked. "Yes,since I was born,why do you ask? said Crystal. Gator gave Crystal her books back and,started to walk away.

"Wait!" Crystal said. "Where are you going?" Gator ignored Crystal and kept on walking,Crystal followed. After 12 minutes of walking they bumped into someone named,Kite. As Gator looked at Kite he saw that Kite had the same curse mark.

"Kite,how long has that curse mark been there?" Gator asked. Kite said "I don't know,I guess since I was born." The 3 of them heard an intense laugh behind them.

Gator turned around and shouted "Who is there?!" There was no one. Kite screamed "Ouch!"

Gator looked at Kite. Kite said " There is a cut on my arm." They heard the laugh again. Gator was thinking of the laugh because it sounded familiar.

Crystal screamed and there was nothing. They knew somebody was there but who. Kite said he has an ability to look into the future so he did. He saw that him,Crystal,and Gator are the chosen ones but there was one more.

Kite said his brother also has the curse mark. We went to go find Kite's brother. After 2 days of looking we couldn't find him. Kite looked into the future. He stopped,tears were running down his face.

"What happened?" Gator asked. Kite said quietly "Somebody k-killed my brother." More tears ran down his face.

Crystal and Gator were ready to find the murderer of Kites brother. Kite stopped crying and went with Gator and Crystal. Gator kept listening to that laughter. He thought of his mortal enemy,Chobbi.

"Hey,you there!" said a mysterious voice. Gator said in his mind "That voice...it's sounds so familiar."

The person came out of the bushes. It was Kibagami,Gator's best friend. "Kibagami,is that you?" Gator said happily.

Gator ran to Kibagami and they hugged. Gator told Kibagami they needed help. Gator told Crystal and Kite that Kibagami has a curse mark too. He was the last person to find.






Rate please.I know i suck this is my first one.>_<



Credits-
Crystal - MsMeowzers
Kite - PvtSharp
Gator - me
Kibagami - EmberSparks

No description

3/10

[steveking99]

Please don't leave bad comments.
This is my first fan fic.

Chapter 1

"Ouch!" a young girl shouted,dropping her books. "Sorry." said the young boy. "Here let me help you with your books."

As the young boy picked up the books he saw the girl had a weird looking curse mark on her arm similar to his. The young boy asked "What is your name?" The young girl said "Crystal,yours? "Gator." the young boy said with a smirk on his face.

"Crystal,has that mark always been there?" Gator asked. "Yes,since I was born,why do you ask? said Crystal. Gator gave Crystal her books back and,started to walk away.

"Wait!" Crystal said. "Where are you going?" Gator ignored Crystal and kept on walking,Crystal followed. After 12 minutes of walking they bumped into someone named,Kite. As Gator looked at Kite he saw that Kite had the same curse mark.

"Kite,how long has that curse mark been there?" Gator asked. Kite said "I don't know,I guess since I was born." The 3 of them heard an intense laugh behind them.

Gator turned around and shouted "Who is there?!" There was no one. Kite screamed "Ouch!"

Gator looked at Kite. Kite said " There is a cut on my arm." They heard the laugh again. Gator was thinking of the laugh because it sounded familiar.

Crystal screamed and there was nothing. They knew somebody was there but who. Kite said he has an ability to look into the future so he did. He saw that him,Crystal,and Gator are the chosen ones but there was one more.

Kite said his brother also has the curse mark. We went to go find Kite's brother. After 2 days of looking we couldn't find him. Kite looked into the future. He stopped,tears were running down his face.

"What happened?" Gator asked. Kite said quietly "Somebody k-killed my brother." More tears ran down his face.

Crystal and Gator were ready to find the murderer of Kites brother. Kite stopped crying and went with Gator and Crystal. Gator kept listening to that laughter. He thought of his mortal enemy,Chobbi.

"Hey,you there!" said a mysterious voice. Gator said in his mind "That voice...it's sounds so familiar."

The person came out of the bushes. It was Kibagami,Gator's best friend. "Kibagami,is that you?" Gator said happily.

Gator ran to Kibagami and they hugged. Gator told Kibagami they needed help. Gator told Crystal and Kite that Kibagami has a curse mark too. He was the last person to find.






Rate please.I know i suck this is my first one.>_<



Credits-
Crystal - MsMeowzers
Kite - PvtSharp
Gator - me
Kibagami - EmberSparks

No description

3/10

http://objection.mrdictionary.net/go.php?n=3595248

[kelvin958]

10/10 and can i be in it

[MsMeowzers]

Sign up.
You can't just ask one one single chapter.

[Gatorade]

Yep,anyway I have enough people.
And please rate it Crystal.

[EmberSparks]

She's not Crystal, she's Ale- ah crap w/e.
5/10. Nice start, but as Kite said, it's rushed....

[Gatorade]

I know...
I know Al- Crystal's name too.
Her...full name.
Btw,go to chat please.

[steveking99]

She's not Crystal, she's Ale- ah crap w/e.
5/10. Nice start, but as Kite said, it's rushed....

OMG AL QAEDA
BBBBBBBBBBQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ

[MsMeowzers]

Apparently some people WANT me on google.

[EmberSparks]

She's not Crystal, she's Ale- ah crap w/e.
5/10. Nice start, but as Kite said, it's rushed....

OMG AL QAEDA
BBBBBBBBBBQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ

.....sheesh.

[1LastBreath]

As i say short not bad but improvments are needed 6/10 nice job Gator