The Chronicles Of Arcana : Chapter 1

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pvtsharp
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The Chronicles Of Arcana : Chapter 1

Post by pvtsharp » Sat Jan 30, 2010 3:02 pm

Here... at last finished me homework. (MS3)

Registration

Chapter 1

The blue-haired boy was walking along the streets of Henesys, his sling bag over his shoulder.

"Hey, kid!" shouted a police officer. "You're a student, am I right?"

The blue-haired boy nodded.

"Then you must be going to Henesys High...." said the police officer. "I advise you better go home..... something happened at the school today, so Henesys High is off today, off you go then."

The blue-haired boy nodded then turned away. He overheard a group of girls gossiping.

"Why is school off today?"
"I'm not sure....."
"I heard there was a scary murder."
"How did you know?"
"My father's an inspector...."

The blue-haired boy continued walking while reading a map. He was supposed to go and register in a dorm named the Grira dorm after school, but since school is closed today, he might as well go there early anyways.

He walked a little more and reached a dorm, a sign over the doorway wrote: "The Grira Dorm". He walked to the door and saw a girl and a boy talking to each other.

"Hey, did you heard about the murder...... Oh! Who're you? I've never seen you around here before." said the boy. He wore red coloured glasses and his long, yellow hair was tied in a cool-looking ponytail.

"He must be the new dormmate we were expecting." said the girl. She had a pretty face with black, straight hair which reached her waist. "My name is Shikine and this is Draco, so what's your name?"

"Kite." the blue-haired boy answered simply.

"Your room is on the second floor, the third floor is off-limits to all boys, it's the girl's floor. We have our meals at the ground floor and the 1st floor is our very own library. So, any questions?" explained Shikine. "Oh and Draco will show you to your room." She threw a key to Draco, which hit his face.

"OW! Shikine, you know that hurt?" shouted Draco in pain. "Oh come on, Kite, let's go."

Draco brought Kite to a room right at the end of the corridor. "Here's your room, easy enough to remember right?" asked Draco.

Kite nodded without saying anything.

"You're a quiet person, eh?" said Draco. "Oh well.... and oh yeah! The chairman of the dorm will be coming tonight, so you better dress smartly and give him a good impression."

"Ok." said Kite as he went into his room.

Well, I hope stuff will improve for the better..... mom.... dad....., Kite thought to himself as he changed into soem casual clothes.

To be continued.....

Credits: Kite - Me
Shikine - MsMeowzers
Draco - Dracoplasm
And to the KH music i've been listening all the while.

Rate pls 1-10.

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synn90210
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Re: The Chronicles Of Arcana : Chapter 1

Post by synn90210 » Sat Jan 30, 2010 3:10 pm

nice little prologue. Makes me have high expectations for this series

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pvtsharp
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Re: The Chronicles Of Arcana : Chapter 1

Post by pvtsharp » Sat Jan 30, 2010 3:26 pm

synn90210 wrote:nice little prologue. Makes me have high expectations for this series


Dont worry, there will be no "FALCON PAWNCH" or "BWAAAAAHHHH" in my stories.

Just "agi", "bufu", "zio" and "garu".

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synn90210
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Re: The Chronicles Of Arcana : Chapter 1

Post by synn90210 » Sat Jan 30, 2010 3:34 pm

haha thats fine with me (MS3)

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MsMeowzers
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Re: The Chronicles Of Arcana : Chapter 1

Post by MsMeowzers » Sat Jan 30, 2010 3:57 pm

pvtsharp wrote: She threw a key to Draco, which hit his face.

Lol.

Anyways,10/10

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playa4life01
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Re: The Chronicles Of Arcana : Chapter 1

Post by playa4life01 » Sat Jan 30, 2010 5:48 pm

10/10
since there arent going to be any falcon punches make it -1 (F4)

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Gatorade
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Re: The Chronicles Of Arcana : Chapter 1

Post by Gatorade » Sat Jan 30, 2010 6:59 pm

whoo!!
10/10 (skygar9-5)

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Dracoplasm
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Re: The Chronicles Of Arcana : Chapter 1

Post by Dracoplasm » Mon Feb 01, 2010 6:14 am

MsMeowzers wrote:
pvtsharp wrote: She threw a key to Draco, which hit his face.

Lol.

Anyways,10/10


lol, could you specify where the key hit me? Sharp
and 10/10 epic Fanfic XD

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Zaylo
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Re: The Chronicles Of Arcana : Chapter 1

Post by Zaylo » Mon Feb 01, 2010 3:44 pm

pvtsharp wrote:Here... at last finished me homework. (MS3)

Registration

Chapter 1

The blue-haired boy was walking along the streets of Henesys, his sling bag over his shoulder.

"Hey, kid!" shouted a police officer. "You're a student, am I right?"

The blue-haired boy nodded.

"Then you must be going to Henesys High...." said the police officer. "I advise you better go home..... something happened at the school today, so Henesys High is off today, off you go then."

The blue-haired boy nodded then turned away. He overheard a group of girls gossiping.

"Why is school off today?"
"I'm not sure....."
"I heard there was a scary murder."
"How did you know?"
"My father's an inspector...."

The blue-haired boy continued walking while reading a map. He was supposed to go and register in a dorm named the Grira dorm after school, but since school is closed today, he might as well go there early anyways.

He walked a little more and reached a dorm, a sign over the doorway wrote: "The Grira Dorm". He walked to the door and saw a girl and a boy talking to each other.

"Hey, did you heard about the murder...... Oh! Who're you? I've never seen you around here before." said the boy. He wore red coloured glasses and his long, yellow hair was tied in a cool-looking ponytail.

"He must be the new dormmate we were expecting." said the girl. She had a pretty face with black, straight hair which reached her waist. "My name is Shikine and this is Draco, so what's your name?"

"Kite." the blue-haired boy answered simply.

"Your room is on the second floor, the third floor is off-limits to all boys, it's the girl's floor. We have our meals at the ground floor and the 1st floor is our very own library. So, any questions?" explained Shikine. "Oh and Draco will show you to your room." She threw a key to Draco, which hit his face.

"OW! Shikine, you know that hurt?" shouted Draco in pain. "Oh come on, Kite, let's go."

Draco brought Kite to a room right at the end of the corridor. "Here's your room, easy enough to remember right?" asked Draco.

Kite nodded without saying anything.

"You're a quiet person, eh?" said Draco. "Oh well.... and oh yeah! The chairman of the dorm will be coming tonight, so you better dress smartly and give him a good impression."

"Ok." said Kite as he went into his room.

Well, I hope stuff will improve for the better..... mom.... dad....., Kite thought to himself as he changed into soem casual clothes.

To be continued.....

Credits: Kite - Me
Shikine - MsMeowzers
Draco - Dracoplasm
And to the KH music i've been listening all the while.

Rate pls 1-10.

4/10

Not sure how this is "perfect"

- Spelling Errors
- Grammar Errors
- Almost No Description

Get an Editor like me or Jonlin, that way we can help with those problems before you release it.

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pvtsharp
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Re: The Chronicles Of Arcana : Chapter 1

Post by pvtsharp » Tue Feb 02, 2010 1:31 am

Zaylo wrote:
pvtsharp wrote:Here... at last finished me homework. (MS3)

Registration

Chapter 1

The blue-haired boy was walking along the streets of Henesys, his sling bag over his shoulder.

"Hey, kid!" shouted a police officer. "You're a student, am I right?"

The blue-haired boy nodded.

"Then you must be going to Henesys High...." said the police officer. "I advise you better go home..... something happened at the school today, so Henesys High is off today, off you go then."

The blue-haired boy nodded then turned away. He overheard a group of girls gossiping.

"Why is school off today?"
"I'm not sure....."
"I heard there was a scary murder."
"How did you know?"
"My father's an inspector...."

The blue-haired boy continued walking while reading a map. He was supposed to go and register in a dorm named the Grira dorm after school, but since school is closed today, he might as well go there early anyways.

He walked a little more and reached a dorm, a sign over the doorway wrote: "The Grira Dorm". He walked to the door and saw a girl and a boy talking to each other.

"Hey, did you heard about the murder...... Oh! Who're you? I've never seen you around here before." said the boy. He wore red coloured glasses and his long, yellow hair was tied in a cool-looking ponytail.

"He must be the new dormmate we were expecting." said the girl. She had a pretty face with black, straight hair which reached her waist. "My name is Shikine and this is Draco, so what's your name?"

"Kite." the blue-haired boy answered simply.

"Your room is on the second floor, the third floor is off-limits to all boys, it's the girl's floor. We have our meals at the ground floor and the 1st floor is our very own library. So, any questions?" explained Shikine. "Oh and Draco will show you to your room." She threw a key to Draco, which hit his face.

"OW! Shikine, you know that hurt?" shouted Draco in pain. "Oh come on, Kite, let's go."

Draco brought Kite to a room right at the end of the corridor. "Here's your room, easy enough to remember right?" asked Draco.

Kite nodded without saying anything.

"You're a quiet person, eh?" said Draco. "Oh well.... and oh yeah! The chairman of the dorm will be coming tonight, so you better dress smartly and give him a good impression."

"Ok." said Kite as he went into his room.

Well, I hope stuff will improve for the better..... mom.... dad....., Kite thought to himself as he changed into soem casual clothes.

To be continued.....

Credits: Kite - Me
Shikine - MsMeowzers
Draco - Dracoplasm
And to the KH music i've been listening all the while.

Rate pls 1-10.

4/10

Not sure how this is "perfect"

- Spelling Errors
- Grammar Errors
- Almost No Description

Get an Editor like me or Jonlin, that way we can help with those problems before you release it.


A 4/10 from zaylo is enough for me anytime.

@zaylo, thks for the offer but i dont think an editor will suit me, makes me feel that i'm at school.

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EmberSparks
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Re: The Chronicles Of Arcana : Chapter 1

Post by EmberSparks » Fri Feb 19, 2010 8:38 am

Wow, I listen to One Winged Angel when I'm writing. (SEPHIROTH!)

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