Soul Weapons : Data Core

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pvtsharp
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Soul Weapons : Data Core

Postby pvtsharp » Thu Nov 19, 2009 11:43 am

This is my first post/story/fanfic here.
I'm open to suggestions, advises, gestures, blah blah blah.....

Prolouge

Soul Weapons, weapons materailised by the determination of one's soul. They may differ from type to colour and shape depending on the user's personality. These many years, Soul Weaponeers have used them for both good and evil.

Chapter One : Awakening

A 14-year old boy with silver hair ran down the corridor of the orphanage.

"I can't believe the alarm clock broke on my first day to school!"he shouted out loud. "Just my first day as a second-grader, and I can't even go to school on time!"

He ran and ran, at last reaching the school at about 15 minutes later. He rushed to class to put down his bag on the only seat left. Luckily, the teacher was not here yet.

Eventually, the teacher, Professer Tynd, reached the class. This teacher had neatly combed hair and held himself in a quite gentleman manner. Benra knew this teacher last year, as he was also the first-grader literature teacher.

"Children, please take out your A Guide to Soul Weapons : Second-Grade textbooks, and read the first chapter.

After two hours of boring studying, Benra, the silver-haired orphan, was talking to his childhood friend, Ifv.

"That was boring." said Benra.

"Cheer up, it will be practical practice later, we will have a chance to use our Soul Weapons." replied Ifv through his messy black hair, " I never tried summoning mine yet."

After recess, the two boys went to the school field for practical class. The practical teacher was introducing himself : "My name is Professor Snare, I am your new practical class teacher!" he added a laugh, his gym suit and tough, muscular body made him look strong.

"Now everyone, we are here to learn the art of using Soul Weapons, I guess you all know the theory by literature classes." All the students sighed out of boredomness. Professor Snare continued : " Split in pairs and try to summon your Soul Weapon!"

Everyone scattered. Benra was slow and was left to pair with Hun, the school bully. Hun is a blond-haired boy that came from a rich family, making him proud and domineering.

"Double Moon Axe!" Hun shouted as two curved, silver axes appeared in hands, he obviously had done this before.

Benra knew he was going to get beaten up by Hun if he only stared at him in awe. "Data Confiner!" Benra shouted, without knowing what had happened. A blue watch appeared on his left wrist. The watch had a big screen and two buttons on either side.

Hun was laughing at him. "How can you defeat me with a watch? Hahahaha....."

Suddenly, a alarm rang loud enough for the whole school to hear. It was the monster warning, a monster had broken through the perimeter of the school, undoubtly a strong one. Everyone was running towards the safe house.

Benra ran with all his might but he was knocked sideways to the floor. When he got out of his daze, everyone was in the safe house already, among them, Hun was sneering.

Benra started to worry, if he was trapped outside here with -

BANG!

A full grown liger was landed right beside Benra. He gulped. Even some adult Soul Weaponeers can't take on a liger, yet alone Benra himself. Without warning, the liger pounced on Benra. He closed his eyes, but the bite the anticipated did not come, instead there was a blue flash and the liger was thrown ten feet away.

"What the-?" there was a blue, transparent boardsword floating in mid-air in front of him, his watch was also glowing and there were words on it, it wrote, "Weapon Selected : Data Calibur".

Benra reached forward and grabbed hold of the Data Calibur, it felt light and warm. He held it in an attack stance as the liger recovered and getting ready for another pounce.

"Bring it!" shouted Benra as he ran towards the liger as its legs left the ground.

To be continued......

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Re: Soul Weapons : Data Core

Postby LeoWu » Thu Nov 19, 2009 11:59 pm

pvtsharp wrote:This is my first post/story/fanfic here.
I'm open to suggestions, advises, gestures, blah blah blah.....

Prolouge

Soul Weapons, weapons materailised by the determination of one's soul. They may differ from type to colour and shape depending on the user's personality. These many years, Soul Weaponeers have used them for both good and evil.

Chapter One : Awakening

A 14-year old boy with silver hair ran down the corridor of the orphanage.

"I can't believe the alarm clock broke on my first day to school!"he shouted out loud. "Just my first day as a second-grader, and I can't even go to school on time!"

He ran and ran, at last reaching the school at about 15 minutes later. He rushed to class to put down his bag on the only seat left. Luckily, the teacher was not here yet.

Eventually, the teacher, Professer Tynd, reached the class. This teacher had neatly combed hair and held himself in a quite gentleman manner. Benra knew this teacher last year, as he was also the first-grader literature teacher.

"Children, please take out your A Guide to Soul Weapons : Second-Grade textbooks, and read the first chapter.

After two hours of boring studying, Benra, the silver-haired orphan, was talking to his childhood friend, Ifv.

"That was boring." said Benra.

"Cheer up, it will be practical practice later, we will have a chance to use our Soul Weapons." replied Ifv through his messy black hair, " I never tried summoning mine yet."

After recess, the two boys went to the school field for practical class. The practical teacher was introducing himself : "My name is Professor Snare, I am your new practical class teacher!" he added a laugh, his gym suit and tough, muscular body made him look strong.

"Now everyone, we are here to learn the art of using Soul Weapons, I guess you all know the theory by literature classes." All the students sighed out of boredomness. Professor Snare continued : " Split in pairs and try to summon your Soul Weapon!"

Everyone scattered. Benra was slow and was left to pair with Hun, the school bully. Hun is a blond-haired boy that came from a rich family, making him proud and domineering.

"Double Moon Axe!" Hun shouted as two curved, silver axes appeared in hands, he obviously had done this before.

Benra knew he was going to get beaten up by Hun if he only stared at him in awe. "Data Confiner!" Benra shouted, without knowing what had happened. A blue watch appeared on his left wrist. The watch had a big screen and two buttons on either side.

Hun was laughing at him. "How can you defeat me with a watch? Hahahaha....."

Suddenly, a alarm rang loud enough for the whole school to hear. It was the monster warning, a monster had broken through the perimeter of the school, undoubtly a strong one. Everyone was running towards the safe house.

Benra ran with all his might but he was knocked sideways to the floor. When he got out of his daze, everyone was in the safe house already, among them, Hun was sneering.

Benra started to worry, if he was trapped outside here with -

BANG!

A full grown liger was landed right beside Benra. He gulped. Even some adult Soul Weaponeers can't take on a liger, yet alone Benra himself. Without warning, the liger pounced on Benra. He closed his eyes, but the bite the anticipated did not come, instead there was a blue flash and the liger was thrown ten feet away.

"What the-?" there was a blue, transparent boardsword floating in mid-air in front of him, his watch was also glowing and there were words on it, it wrote, "Weapon Selected : Data Calibur".

Benra reached forward and grabbed hold of the Data Calibur, it felt light and warm. He held it in an attack stance as the liger recovered and getting ready for another pounce.

"Bring it!" shouted Benra as he ran towards the liger as its legs left the ground.

To be continued......


It was short.
Over all rating 4/10 not bad.

He ran and ran, at last reaching the school at about 15 minutes later. He rushed to class to put down his bag on the only seat left. Luckily, the teacher was not here yet. It is suppose to be The teacher was not "There" Yet. Using here Is ment to be used in First person View.
If you havent noticed, Your using 3rd Person.

You used an lot of dam Comas.

And Get out of Here dude.
This is an maplestory FF Place.
Like wtf?
Summon Weapons from your soul?
school?
Liger!?
O_O
Go away man.

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jonlin
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Re: Soul Weapons : Data Core

Postby jonlin » Fri Nov 20, 2009 1:15 am

hmmmm reminds me of Bleach harry potter and maplestory. actually, mostly bleach. souls weapons? and if you have watched the bleach anime there is a similar situation (monster breaks into school that most people cannot handle) and really the only maple related thing was...
the fact it was in the fanfic section of a maple site

now that the flaming is done, good job on Grammar and spelling, just a few mistakes that I used to make to. storyline needs to be related to maplestory (this IS a maplestory fansite) and making it a bit longer in the future would be good.

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Re: Soul Weapons : Data Core

Postby LeoWu » Fri Nov 20, 2009 1:25 am

there is no future for this guy.
His ff will get Banned an locked.
No more "Soul" stuff.
and Bs.
its an maple FF website

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Re: Soul Weapons : Data Core

Postby pvtsharp » Fri Nov 20, 2009 12:21 pm

jonlin wrote:hmmmm reminds me of Bleach harry potter and maplestory. actually, mostly bleach. souls weapons? and if you have watched the bleach anime there is a similar situation (monster breaks into school that most people cannot handle) and really the only maple related thing was...
the fact it was in the fanfic section of a maple site

now that the flaming is done, good job on Grammar and spelling, just a few mistakes that I used to make to. storyline needs to be related to maplestory (this IS a maplestory fansite) and making it a bit longer in the future would be good.


wat's bleach??? a detergent??
and rly i am a NOOB in tis but i will put maple stuff in ltr.
kip the advises coming, i like it.

once a person said : ' forgive yr enemies, nth will annoy them more."

teehheeeee

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R>ppl to Soul Weapons : Data Core

Postby pvtsharp » Fri Nov 20, 2009 12:27 pm

I DID say i was gonna put some stuff of maple in, but i nid some characters 1st.

who interested in putting their other selves or something like tat into my story pls fill the form here.

Name (duh) e.g. hwotty
Age (agn duh) e.g.18
soul weapon choice (type name colour sort of like tat) e.g. seven blade whip
personality e.g. kind, ever so annoying
evil, good or nuetral e.g. good
human or any type of animan (creatures tat are half human half animal which i will bring up ltr in the story) e.g. animan - fox

come on guys don hate me, pls hlp me k? (skygar9-5)

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jonlin
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Re: Soul Weapons : Data Core

Postby jonlin » Fri Nov 20, 2009 12:33 pm

Name: Rathmire
Age: 16
Soul Weapon choice: bipolar blade (switches from fiery to ice cold and imbetween depending on mood)
Personality: Ecstatic sometimes and sometimes dreary but always nice
Good/Neutral/Evil : any of them
Race: Human

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Zaylo
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Re: R>ppl to Soul Weapons : Data Core

Postby Zaylo » Sat Nov 21, 2009 12:25 am

pvtsharp wrote:I DID say i was gonna put some stuff of maple in, but i nid some characters 1st.

who interested in putting their other selves or something like tat into my story pls fill the form here.

Name (duh) Berat Lran
Age (agn duh) 17
soul weapon choice Nitro katana, Switches to any bladed weapon on command
personality Sadistic and Sarcastic.
Good
(skygar9-5)

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LeoWu
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Re: Soul Weapons : Data Core

Postby LeoWu » Sat Nov 21, 2009 12:57 am

then no Soul weapons.
No School.
No BS.
Ty

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jonlin
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Re: Soul Weapons : Data Core

Postby jonlin » Sat Nov 21, 2009 1:43 am

lol pvt I think you are challenging chobbi or something, 13 posts and already a double post warning.

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LeoWu
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Re: Soul Weapons : Data Core

Postby LeoWu » Sat Nov 21, 2009 1:44 am

Lol what an Noob.
But seriously dude.
Stop writing. Please dont write the next chapter.
Your just Making our FF place an Junk.
Just stop writing and just Know that you suck.
Alot...

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Re: Soul Weapons : Data Core

Postby jonlin » Sat Nov 21, 2009 1:51 am

that's not flaming...... right?
lol if someone reported all your flameness posts I swear you would have been banned a lot. almost rivalling chobbi.

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LeoWu
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Re: Soul Weapons : Data Core

Postby LeoWu » Sat Nov 21, 2009 1:57 am

Flaming is kinda saying how bad thier FF are.
Being sarcastic or esasurating is flaming.
I am doing niether. Im Telling facts.
Thier the truth.

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Re: R>ppl to Soul Weapons : Data Core

Postby synn90210 » Sat Nov 21, 2009 5:00 am

Zaylo wrote:
pvtsharp wrote:I DID say i was gonna put some stuff of maple in, but i nid some characters 1st.

who interested in putting their other selves or something like tat into my story pls fill the form here.

Name (duh) Berat Lran
Age (agn duh) 17
soul weapon choice Nitro katana, Switches to any bladed weapon on command
personality Sadistic and Sarcastic.
Good
(skygar9-5)


i think zaylo found the same thing i did......nitro katana? uhh have you read triple seven? im callin plagarism (F3)

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Re: Soul Weapons : Data Core

Postby pvtsharp » Sat Nov 21, 2009 5:28 am

Shut up mr.Leo, i do not think you know how cruel this world can be.
Psst, flamer, you go write yr 'one moment' FF and stop bothering me,k?
To yr much annoyance i DO want to continue writing, so shut up.
You don't even spell 'overall', or 'their' correctly.

Chapter 2 : The Bipolar Blade

Benra was on the floor panting and wiping off blood from the corner of his mouth. The liger was also quite tired, but it was not defeated just yet.

"Man, somewhat twenty hits is not even close to knocking it down." Benra said as the liger got into a pouncing position. Benra was in no fit state to dodge its attacks anymore.

"Looks like this is the end of me." Benra's eyes were wide with fear. He closed them, expecting to feel his body getting ripped to shreds. But the pain never came. A person was holding back the liger with his Soul Weapon. It was a one-handed sword and it was made up of ice.

"You ok, kid? Looks like I just came in time." The stranger continued. " I never seen a liger before, maybe i can pictures with it!"

How can someone be so happy when a liger is baring its jaws at him? Benra thought.

The stranger was wearing the same school uniform as him, obviously a student too, but he was a 16 year-old fourth grader. He must have ran all the way from the other side of the academy to help Benra. He had blue hair and all of them stuck out messily in front of his forehead. He looked quite pale.

The stranger engaged the liger in battle soon after. All Benra saw was flashes of his ice sword. His swordplay was amazing. But, just as Benra thought that they would survive through this, the stranger was knocked of his feet by one massive swipe from the liger.

The stranger landed on the floor with a dull thud. He became still.

"Are you ok?" asked Benra when he reached him. The stranger got up slowly and Benra saw his name tag on his uniform. It wrote : Rathmire.

"I'm ok.... - look out!" Rathmire shouted as he pushed Benra aside to block the liger's massive claw. Then, suddenly Rathmire's sword turned red.

"You...... monster..... how dare you send me flying!" Rathmire shouted, the next second his sword turned into flames. The liger backed off because of its burned paw.

Rathmire continued stabbing and slashing every bit of the liger he could reach, soon the wounded animal ran out of the school perimeters and fled to Sleepywood.

"Ah, we won." said Rathmire. His Soul Weapon dissapeared into thin air. He turned to face Benra "You know, you are quite strong for a second grader. Would you join me after school at the gates? I have something to talk about."

Benra nodded. Hun was wearing a half-disgusted, half-impressed look on his face.

Soon, school ended. After saying a goodbye to Ifv, Benra went to the school gates and saw Rathmire bouncing up and down to get his attention.

"You came after all, well let's go to the market first, I need to get a drink." Rathmire said. Benra followed suit.

Benra looked at the old weapon shops. They were boarded up. Since the discovery of using Soul Weapons fourty years ago, weapons gone unpopular and weapon sellers gone bankrupt.

At last they reached the grocery. Rathmire, seeing that Benra was an orphan, bought him some herb juice. Benra kept thanking him.

"Don't be like that, after all you did lower the liger's stamina, or I wouldn't have won. Anyways my Soul Weapon is The Bipolar Blade, it switches from ice to fire or vice-versa according to my mood, what about you?" asked Rathmire.

"I am not sure yet, but I know it is called Data Confiner." said Benra with his head down.

Rathmire said goodbye to Benra at the Henesys orphanage and left to go back home.

That night, after a good meal prepared by the orphanage chef, Benra was sitting alone in his room, looking at the stars.

Suddenly, he heard a voice, it came from all around him. It said : "You have awakened your power. Now it is time to follow the path of destiny. Tomorrow, during school you will encounter a great loss and a chance. You have to be strong Benra......"

The voice was gone, Benra was looking around his room. The voice seem so familiar, yet he cant remember where he heard it before.

What did it meant by loss and chance? .... Benra was thinking to himself.

TO be continued......

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LeoWu
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Re: Soul Weapons : Data Core

Postby LeoWu » Sat Nov 21, 2009 6:04 am

2/10 And its not because You insulted me. If I was mad I would have givin you 0/10
The Story was still very short although I do admire your Indenting.
Many people just write in big blobs. The story is still about the liger.
nothing to do with maple.
Think about it.
I would suggest Abandoning this FF and Go restart an new one about.
MAPLESTORY.
Or You can go post it somewhere else.

and for your avatar please use this.
http://maple.playpark.net/ranking/SG/all/0/PvtSharp
unless you want to make an animation.
Thank you. :)

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Re: Soul Weapons : Data Core

Postby EmberSparks » Sat Nov 21, 2009 8:09 am

Name: Dawn
Age: 15
Soul Weapon: Cross-Edge, a white-colored Avenger (a hermit skill/giant throwing star) that always comes back like a boomerang (here you go, something that involves Maple (F3) )
Personality: Quiet but always willing to stand up for his friends
Race: Werewolf

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Re: Soul Weapons : Data Core

Postby pvtsharp » Sat Nov 21, 2009 8:18 am

EmberSparks wrote:Name: Dawn
Age: 15
Soul Weapon: Cross-Edge, a white-colored Avenger (a hermit skill/giant throwing star) that always comes back like a boomerang (here you go, something that involves Maple (F3) )
Personality: Quiet but always willing to stand up for his friends
Race: Werewolf


oh, werewolf.
i gonna change it to animan : wolf. turns to berserk whenever at full moon.

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Re: Soul Weapons : Data Core

Postby EmberSparks » Sat Nov 21, 2009 8:46 am

I'm fine with that...... as long as I can turn into a wolf

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Re: Soul Weapons : Data Core

Postby pvtsharp » Sat Nov 21, 2009 1:44 pm

EmberSparks wrote:I'm fine with that...... as long as I can turn into a wolf


And i tot he liked vampires, sheesh this is gonna be funny....


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