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Questers Sanct of Light Ch4

Posted: Sun Jul 19, 2009 3:46 am
by poke1024
Hey guys, sorry for the long wait.
And before you comment about not having Maplestory elements, I am going to include them soon.

Here are the other Chapters:

Chapter 3

Chapter 2

Chapter 1

The sun rose past the horizon. The air was calm and a light mist drifted by. Poe opened his eyes and crawled out of the tent.

“Ahhhhh, a new day,” said Poe.

Poe went back into the tent and tried to shake Jona up, but Jona would get up.

“Get the **** up Jona,” shouted Poe.

“Yea, what?” said Jona lazily.

“Dude, its morning,” said Poe.

“Oh really?”

“Yeah.”

Jona got up slowly and crawled out of the tent. Poe crawled out after him and saw Jona standing there frozen staring into space. Poe went to and said,

“What is wrong Jona?”

Before Poe could answer, Jona pointed and Poe gasped. They were floating in mid-air.

“What the heck?” Poe said.

“Exactly,” said a voice.

Poe and Jona turned toward the voice. A lone figure was floating next to them. Poe draws his Screamer and Jona materializes a sword into his hand.

“What do you want,” Poe asked.

“The question is, what you are doing here, minions,” replied the figure.

“We are looking for the Four Questers,” Jona replied.

“Hmm, good, then you found one of them,” said the figure.

The figure opened her hand, and she created an air ball into her hand and shot it at Poe and Jona.

“What in the….” Poe said as he and Jona got thrown back on the ground.

The figure floated back down and started to walk toward Poe and Jona. They tried to get up but some invisible force held them down. Poe and Jona struggled to get free, but they were stuck. The figure came closer and closer.
“Why didn’t I dream about this?” Poe thought.

The figure walked closer and closer.

“Come on, got to think of something.”

The figure was a few feet away.

“OMG I just wish she would know we were 2 of the 4.”

The figure stopped.

“What, you guys are Questers?” the figure asked?

“Yeah, no duh,” Jona replied.

“Whoa, it actually happened,” said Poe.

“What actually happened Poe?”

“Well I was just umm, how do I describe it, it was kind of like day dreaming kinda that she would know we were Questers and she knew.”

“Ohhhhhhh”

The figure helped Poe and Jona up.

“So whats your name?” asked Jona.

“Miki,” she replied.

“Cool, so what is your ability Miki?” asked Poe.

“I am a manipulator; I can control things around me.”

“Ohhhh, that is how you made us float in mid-air and throw air spheres at us,” said Jona.

“Yeah.”

Poe, Jona, and Miki stood there in an awkward silence.

“So, you guys want to set off now?” asked Poe.

“Sure, there is nothing better to do than to keep going down the road,” said Miki.

Poe and Jona then packed all their things, and along with Miki, they set off back onto the path.

“Just one more Quester to go,” said Jona.

“Yeah.”



To be continued…..

Re: Questers Sanct of Light Ch4

Posted: Sun Jul 19, 2009 4:23 pm
by chobbilight
awww i thought i would come in your storie (F4)

Re: Questers Sanct of Light Ch4

Posted: Sun Jul 19, 2009 4:55 pm
by poke1024
chobbilight wrote:awww i thought i would come in your storie (F4)


i kno, i meant for you to think that way, but not yet

Re: Questers Sanct of Light Ch4

Posted: Sun Jul 19, 2009 5:16 pm
by chobbilight
dammmm you!!!! your tricking me

Re: Questers Sanct of Light Ch4

Posted: Sun Jul 19, 2009 8:40 pm
by LeoWu
To be honest
I didnt expect you to write the 4th Chapter but
i guess you did.
Very clean like the others.
The story is going Ok.
Good luck on the Next chapter.

Re: Questers Sanct of Light Ch4

Posted: Sun Jul 19, 2009 9:54 pm
by chobbilight
lolz its been a long time leowu been possitive about something

Re: Questers Sanct of Light Ch4

Posted: Sun Jul 19, 2009 10:44 pm
by LeoWu
Positive huh?
Want me to say something negative?

Re: Questers Sanct of Light Ch4

Posted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 4:53 am
by poke1024
LeoWu wrote:To be honest
I didnt expect you to write the 4th Chapter but
i guess you did.
Very clean like the others.
The story is going Ok.
Good luck on the Next chapter.


hey thanks man

Re: Questers Sanct of Light Ch4

Posted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 5:23 am
by LeoWu
Poe went back into the tent and tried to shake Jona up, but Jona would get up.
Edit that.
The story wasnt expanded enough. No anilizing at all.
You said The guy shouted "Wake up Jona"
"What" Jona said lazily
When you say that it makes it seem Jona was already awake
What you should have said was :

Jona rolled over slowly and peaked
open his eyes as then, he said
"What?"
or something like that.

Add more detail to the rest of the story and edit.

Re: Questers Sanct of Light Ch4

Posted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 3:35 pm
by poke1024
LeoWu wrote:Poe went back into the tent and tried to shake Jona up, but Jona would get up.
Edit that.
The story wasnt expanded enough. No anilizing at all.
You said The guy shouted "Wake up Jona"
"What" Jona said lazily
When you say that it makes it seem Jona was already awake
What you should have said was :

Jona rolled over slowly and peaked
open his eyes as then, he said
"What?"
or something like that.

Add more detail to the rest of the story and edit.


oh alright, it was like 10pm at night, so I didnt really pay close attension to the detail

Re: Questers Sanct of Light Ch4

Posted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 5:12 pm
by chobbilight
lolz now we need 2 wait another month before leowu is gonna be possitive

Re: Questers Sanct of Light Ch4

Posted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 7:33 pm
by LeoWu
You get tired at 10pm?
Thats crazy i sleep at 2:00
but I wake up at like 11:30-12:30
:P

Re: Questers Sanct of Light Ch4

Posted: Mon Jul 20, 2009 8:10 pm
by Zaylo
i dont sleep at all i wait...


anyways good job bro, much improvment it has.

Re: Questers Sanct of Light Ch4

Posted: Tue Jul 21, 2009 2:39 am
by Lucario7777777
Spam (exellent) (exellent)

Re: Questers Sanct of Light Ch4

Posted: Tue Jul 21, 2009 7:31 pm
by LeoWu
Lucario Dont spam.
It will get deleted,
I think (F6)

Re: Questers Sanct of Light Ch4

Posted: Wed Jul 22, 2009 3:54 am
by poke1024
LeoWu wrote:Lucario Dont spam.
It will get deleted,
I think (F6)


nah, hes leaving the site anyways

Re: Questers Sanct of Light Ch4

Posted: Wed Jul 22, 2009 4:40 am
by bboyz4
he gonan be on jonlin's site now,that traitor D:<

Re: Questers Sanct of Light Ch4

Posted: Wed Jul 22, 2009 11:45 pm
by poke1024
bboyz4 wrote:he gonan be on jonlin's site now,that traitor D:<


ya i kno

Re: Questers Sanct of Light Ch4

Posted: Thu Jul 23, 2009 12:17 am
by LeoWu
What jolin has a site?
What is it?
Wtf?
He does?!?!?

Re: Questers Sanct of Light Ch4

Posted: Thu Jul 23, 2009 1:59 am
by Lucario7777777
I got a warning for that spam and i am willing to get banned by advertising jonlin's site
http://www.amplemaple.com/forum